Friday, April 8, 2016

One week.

We've been home for a week now with Everly. It feels longer than that, and like we drove home with her yesterday, all at the same time. It amazes me how a baby comes into your life and suddenly it seems like they've always been there. Life without them would be incomplete. Everly certainly has taken a huge spot in all our hearts. 

 Moments after she was born. 
Watching Caleb love the children is one of my favorite things. 

I've had a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions since she was born, but the overwhelming feeling is my love for her. 

We had our first three in three years and now a four year gap and we're back to midnight feedings and diapers. I loved the baby stage, but I was really enjoying this new stage with the kids. Going back scared me. Those precious little years took a huge toll on me, physically and emotionally and I didn't know how I was going to do it again. I found myself detached from the emotions and excitement that came with the other pregnancies. I think part due to how busy the other three kept me, as well as fear of the unknown. I prayed a lot about her and for her and tried to take it one day at a time. It was a good practice to live in the grace God provided for that moment without worrying about tomorrow. But the void of emotions were hard and I felt guilty because they weren't there. 

Now that she's here all those thoughts, fears, and guilt are gone. All I know is love for her and how God created her perfectly for our family. I'm still unsure how it will work out meeting all the children's different needs. This week proved I have a lot to learn in how to do it well, but I'm continuing to rely on the grace given for the day and not to worry about tomorrow. 

When I look back I see how God taught me knew lessons about his character with each baby. With Elijah, God overwhelmed me with how He is the author and creator of life. He used Vanessa to teach me about gratefulness in the midst of trials and to trust him in all things. Amelia was a taste of God's joy and how he redeems the broken. Now, with Everly, I am seeing God's love in a way I've never known before. God's love for me is probably the hardest characteristic of his for me to grasp and believe. And I'm seeing his love for me in a hundred different ways in Everly. He is the giver of good gifts. 
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights."
James 1:17

Caleb welcomed Everly and I home from the hospital with the most gorgeous flowers. I've loved looking at them while I feed and rock her. 

Elijah wants alone time with Everly everyday. He usually finds his way to her before bed and sings to her.

My sister was able to come up and meet her this week. 

Both of the girls are in love and want to be little mama's.

Just some snapshots of our week. 


Katherine Rourke said...

Beautiful. Welcome home!

Caley M. said...

Jessica,what beautiful, sweet moments. Everly is just precious! You can see the joy radiate from each of your children as they swoon over their little baby. :) That false labor is a pill, glad she is finally here, so you can enjoy her instead of staying up all night wondering if this will be the night. So happy for you and your trust in God is encouraging. Kiss those baby toes for me.

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