Thursday, April 21, 2016

Home





I just finished rocking Everly and laid her down. While I was humming a lullaby to her I listened to Caleb and Elijah in the kitchen talking about their day, and the girls giggling the most genuine giggles in their room while they put on their nightgowns and the moment felt close to perfect.

Slowing down to recognize those moments are important for me. So much comes from a new baby. Even though the kids are completely in love with her, my time is more divided and they're  not getting the attention from me that they're used to. I'm trying to figure out how to do it all and mostly I'm failing. But I'm seeing God's grace cover us and I'm humbled by all the help we've received. I don't think I've ever relied on God more to meet my kids needs than now. It's been a sweet lesson learning to pray more, and with greater earnest for each child, knowing now, like never before, that He will always be who they need to rely on.

The great lesson of faith put to all parents is that of learning to trust God for their children. They love them as they never imagined they could love anyone, and it takes an ever enlarging faith to believe God loves them more. 
Elisabeth Elliot

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. 
1 Samuel 1:27-28

I know that this season is good for them, and me. It's stretching us all and teaching us to sacrificially love one another. 



Change is on the horizon for our family. At the end of May we'll be driving across country to our new home in Louisville Kentucky. Caleb accepted a job at Southern Seminary and starts the beginning of June. I'm thrilled for Caleb and this opportunity. We made the decision to move after much prayer and advice and I'm certain that God is leading this change. But leaving the known for the unknown is hard. It's hard thinking of saying good-bye to family, friends, our home and life here. We really love Boise and I'm afraid we might have a bit of culture shock as we plant new roots in Kentucky.



Our home sold yesterday, the same day we put it on the market. Caleb and I are amazed at how God has been working out every detail of this move. We're in awe of His kindness. I was reminded again, that our heavenly Father is the giver of good gifts. Last night as I was feeding Everly, I couldn't help but cry though. It probably has something to do with postpartum hormones, but thinking of saying goodbye to our first home and another family living here brought a wave of emotion. We've loved this home and poured a lot of love into making it our own. Now, it's time to say goodbye. I thought about all that's happened in within these walls over the last 5 years and the comfort that this place called home brought. It made me think about how God is preparing a place for us, a forever home where there will be no good byes. I long for that home. 

Friday, April 8, 2016

One week.

We've been home for a week now with Everly. It feels longer than that, and like we drove home with her yesterday, all at the same time. It amazes me how a baby comes into your life and suddenly it seems like they've always been there. Life without them would be incomplete. Everly certainly has taken a huge spot in all our hearts. 



 Moments after she was born. 
Watching Caleb love the children is one of my favorite things. 

I've had a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions since she was born, but the overwhelming feeling is my love for her. 

We had our first three in three years and now a four year gap and we're back to midnight feedings and diapers. I loved the baby stage, but I was really enjoying this new stage with the kids. Going back scared me. Those precious little years took a huge toll on me, physically and emotionally and I didn't know how I was going to do it again. I found myself detached from the emotions and excitement that came with the other pregnancies. I think part due to how busy the other three kept me, as well as fear of the unknown. I prayed a lot about her and for her and tried to take it one day at a time. It was a good practice to live in the grace God provided for that moment without worrying about tomorrow. But the void of emotions were hard and I felt guilty because they weren't there. 

Now that she's here all those thoughts, fears, and guilt are gone. All I know is love for her and how God created her perfectly for our family. I'm still unsure how it will work out meeting all the children's different needs. This week proved I have a lot to learn in how to do it well, but I'm continuing to rely on the grace given for the day and not to worry about tomorrow. 

When I look back I see how God taught me knew lessons about his character with each baby. With Elijah, God overwhelmed me with how He is the author and creator of life. He used Vanessa to teach me about gratefulness in the midst of trials and to trust him in all things. Amelia was a taste of God's joy and how he redeems the broken. Now, with Everly, I am seeing God's love in a way I've never known before. God's love for me is probably the hardest characteristic of his for me to grasp and believe. And I'm seeing his love for me in a hundred different ways in Everly. He is the giver of good gifts. 
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights."
James 1:17



Caleb welcomed Everly and I home from the hospital with the most gorgeous flowers. I've loved looking at them while I feed and rock her. 


Elijah wants alone time with Everly everyday. He usually finds his way to her before bed and sings to her.


My sister was able to come up and meet her this week. 



Both of the girls are in love and want to be little mama's.

Just some snapshots of our week. 


Sunday, April 3, 2016

Everly Gwen


Our sweet girl was born March 30, 2016. Everly Gwen, 8lbs. 1 oz. 20 inches. 

With her being my forth, I knew time would fly by and she would be here before we knew it. I wasn't anxious about her arrival the whole pregnancy, until those last two weeks. I was up all night two weeks before she came with contractions every 5 minutes and thought for sure this was it. I was prepared to leave for the hospital anytime, but sometime mid morning the contractions stopped and never came back. For the next two weeks I continued to have false labor with little sign of her coming. Finally, we decided I would be induced on the 30th. 

Labor was fast and intense and at 12:16 she was born. We're home now and adjusting to life as a family of six. I'm full of so many thoughts and emotions about her arrival and the change she brings to our family. I stared at her yesterday in awe of all God did in creating her, this perfectly formed little girl. I see his mercies and kindness every time I look at her. 

We're still navigating with the other three. They are thrilled with her and love her deeply, but I am finding that the most common used phrase is 'be careful.' They want to be involved with every thing regarding her. Even Elijah is extremely attentive. I wasn't sure how he would react since he wanted a brother so desperately, but from the moment she was born he's been completely enthralled. He holds her, tells me he needs to protect her, sings to her, and wants to do anything he can to help. Seeing all the children's love for each other is amazing. 


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