Thursday, June 11, 2015


The feelings of summer are in full swing, I'm sitting in our backyard, watching the children play in the water and enjoying the moment. We're waiting anxiously for Caleb to get home. He's been gone all week and I'm not sure which of us want him home most. As much as I hate seeing the kids cry, seeing them miss him is pretty sweet. It's a blessing to know that my children adore their dad and his absence is greatly noticed. 

Even though I'm very much enjoying summer, Elijah is ready for it to be over. After much thought and prayer, we've decided to put Elijah in school next year. He is excited and wishes his first day was tomorrow. We've always said that concerning school we would evaluate each year, and each child, and try to make the best possible decision. We believe that Elijah will thrive in this new school setting. It's a private Classical Christian School very close to our house, but even though we're excited about many aspects of putting him in school, I still find myself nervous. I've worked hard to protect my children's childhood, letting them be young as long as possible, knowing it's gone in the blink of an eye. We've enjoyed more relaxed schedules and lots of trips to visit family. I know starting at school will change that. Elijah in school will also change the dynamic of the three kids together. They do everything together. I'm hesitant to change that, but I keep coming back to the many prayers and all had to align for this to be possible. It seems clear this is our path for the next year. 

Vanessa is equally excited for school although, I'll be homeschooling her. Time with just the girls will be fun and I'm looking forward to watching Vanessa learn. I think there are times when she falls into the background and lets Elijah take center stage. Elijah loves school and likes to answer every question. Vanessa happily lets him answer. Her responses are slower and she never wants Elijah to see her fail. She looks up to him so much and strives to please him. They learn different from each other and I think she'll benefit from some undivided attention.

(days later I am back to writing. i'm determined to blog and keep our memories, but i'm learning that means days to finish one blog post and i'm fine with it. i would rather the children have something, than nothing.)

Caleb is back and all is right in the world again. His trip was wonderful, but nothing compares to seeing how excited the children where to see him. I thought Amelia might explode she was so happy. She is very expressive and we have a blast watching her excitement. 

We got chickens and the children are in heaven with their very own pets. They're surprising me with how well they take care of them. I've wondered if chickens can die from too much love though. It reminds me of how I talked to them about giving love to babies..."gentle. remember, they're little, softer. gentle!" Elijah is living out his dream of living on a farm. I'm not sure how long four little chickens will satisfy him, but it is for now. They each named their chicken. Elijah named his, Blackie Pawkin, Vanessa's is Cinderella, affectionately called, Cinderellie, Amelia's is Belle, and they picked one out for me too, and it's name is Ruby. 

Sunday, June 7, 2015

days in the flower shop

I work occasionally in a flower shop. One day while running errands I noticed it and had to take a moment to look inside. I loved it the second I walked through the doors. It's a tiny place, bursting with every kind of flower and smells so good that you're drawn in and never want to leave. It immediately reminded me of my great-grandmother and the hours we spent in her flower garden, caring for her roses and picking our favorites to bring inside for arrangements.

The owner of the shop is one of the nicest woman I've known. She cares about people and as she works the love flows out of her hands and into the flowers. I found myself making an excuse to head to that part of town so I could sneak in her shop. When she mentioned that she could use some help, I was ecstatic at the opportunity . It's extremely flexible and and very little hours, which is the only thing I could do with the children. I am privileged to work somewhere I love so much.

Each time I've worked though, the thing that comes to mind most, is how lucky I am to have a husband who works so hard for his family. It's made me more aware of the pressures he must feel providing for us. The weight he carries to make sure our needs are met. He faithfully works on the good, bad, and hard, days. He doesn't have flexibility or the freedom to work his dream job whenever he feels like it, but pushes through no matter what. I am very grateful for him.

It also makes me think about my work as a mother. Its a stark contrast. When I'm in the flower shop I'm continually thanked and appreciated for my work. I feel accomplished. Which is pretty different than how my days go at home, with the kids. When Caleb comes home from work and asks about my day, as I tell him, often the list repeats itself, and many days it could look as though I did nothing. One feels good, it's beautiful, appreciated work, while the other is humble, servant work, that stretches me in every way. I see immediate results in the flower shop, while at home, I know mothering is a lifelong venture. 

But, I would argue, it's even a more beautiful work. It's sometimes harder to see or remember, but raising my children is the most important work for me. It comes down to my perspective and where I find my worth. The importance of my work cannot be based on how it makes me feel, but rather whatever work I do, I do it as unto the Lord, and that is where it's worth is found. 

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