Friday, April 10, 2015

what I love

This post waited to be published for some time. I find it hard to write about Caleb and my relationship here, but after completing my first blog book, I was thankful for all the times I had written. I saw the purpose in it, to remember our love story, especially during the hard times, to write my thoughts about him for our children to read someday, and to hopefully bring God glory in sharing our love. 
I run the risk of sounding clich√©, or coming across as though we have a perfect relationship, which is far from the truth. This space is to record part of us, not the whole. What I write here tends to be the best part, but it's also the strongest part, it's the most of the time part, it's the solid ground we rest our feet on, it's what we aim for and it's what I want to remember. The truth is Caleb and I are two wretched sinners and marriage didn't change that, it just made our sin more magnified. We heard that would happen before we said "I do," but we had no idea how true it would be. We stand, not because of some Hollywood love that we found, but because of God's grace. 
A sweet man told us recently when he was first married he couldn't imagine loving anyone more that his wife, even God. But as he grew in his walk with the Lord and loved Him first, he found that his love for his wife grew stronger than it ever had before. That's what we want. Caleb isn't my everything and I'm not his, we put Christ in that place and all else falls where it should.

I love when my eyes are opened to realizing new things I love about Caleb, or seeing things I was attracted to while we dated grow into my favorite aspects of who he is. It reminds me that God saw it all before we did and perfectly matched us when we couldn't see it all. 

He has a rare quality in his parenting. He doesn't hold the children to unrealistic expectations or place his dreams on them. He has expectations for them, to listen and obey the first time with joy, to be respectful of us as parents, to love and serve their siblings, but he doesn't care if Elijah is amazing at sports, or if he's the smartest kid in class. He takes time to learn them and engage with them on the things they love. You can see his enjoyment of them all the time. 

He's also, incredible steadfast, while my emotions are anything but, he is unmoved. Strong, steady, and unwavering in his faith. I knew this about him while we dated, but didn't know how secure it would make me feel and how it would push me to greater faith. I had no idea how it would carry us through trials or become one of the things I admire most. 

I have failed Caleb hundreds of times in our marriage, but he just forgives me and acts like it never happened. He shows me in the most tangible way what Christ like love feels like. And even though he's not my everything, I really cannot imagine walking through life without him next to me. 

1 comment:

Katherine said...

You guys are a stunning couple and your pictures together are amazing. I'm always happy read your thoughts on your blog… you should keep it up!

I hope you are well!

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