Thursday, February 5, 2015

Be Still, My Soul

It's not often sung, written in 1752, but this was one of my mom's favorite Hymns. It became one of my favorites, just because it was hers and once she was gone I clung to anything and everything that held a memory of her. Her birthday is tomorrow and this year she'll be gone for 21 years. When She first past I hated that time didn't stop. People asked me how long she'd been gone and each year that past it was harder for me to say, they acted like because time past it didn't hurt so much. I learned to avoid the topic and accept that this pain is something understood by very few, but found great comfort in the fact God knew it and cared intimately about it. 

Yesterday I pulled a new book off the shelf, Then Sings My Soul. It's a book of hymns and the stories behind them. I was flipping the pages and landed on this one. This year I learned that the doctors had told her she only had 3-5 years when they found the cancer. I guess that's not information you tell a 6 year old and I never knew it before now, so this was the first time reading this hymn with that knowledge. It changed it for me. Seeing the words that she sang knowing she was going to die made me feel like I know her even better now and my love and respect grows deeper for her, even after 21 years of her being gone. 

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide. In every change He faithful will remain. Be still my soul; Thy best Thy heavenly Friend Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still my soul; the waves and winds still know His voice Who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still my soul; The hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone. Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still my soul; when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

It wasn't easy to hear her diagnosis and I know she did everything she could possibly do to beat it. But I also know that she came to a place of trust and acceptance of God's plan. I know she bore this cross patiently and trusted that God would be faithful not just to her, but to provide for her children's needs. He guided her past and would guide our futures and that some day our purest joy would be restored and we would meet at last. 


Katherine said...

Beautiful, Jessica. Your words, the hymn, and your mother are all beautiful. Her life left a lovely mark on yours, and her example of faithfulness to God and trust in His divine plan continue to lead you by example. Her legacy of love is evident in you. I can only imagine how much you miss her. xo

amy said...

wow Jess. ive never seen a picture. she is stunning. wish I knew her. loved what you wrote friend. xo!

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