Monday, September 30, 2013

longing

My grandfather passed away on Saturday. We got the news about 6 weeks ago that his health was failing, but we thought we had time. Maybe only months, but more than weeks. I grew up on stories of how tough he was and I couldn't imagine his body giving up. I thought he'd just will himself to live and he would. At least till Caleb could come see him. We booked our tickets, but it's too late. We'll arrive just weeks after he's buried. I know that God appoints a day for man to be born and to die, but my mind just couldn't grasp this was the end.
He took a turn for the worse a week ago and they said it was the end. It was a hard week with many tears and emotions. I had a little hope that there would be a miracle and we'd make it out there in time. A dark cloud followed me around last week that wouldn't lift. I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. Tears came without warning and I just wanted to pray and be quiet with God. The waiting and anticipation was hard. My heart is still sad and tired, but a strange peace has come now that it's over. There's no more wrestling, but just an acceptance. There's joy knowing he's out of pain and in his true home.
I've lost a number of people close to me. Each one leaves a hole that never gets filled again. It changes you and you can't go back. It's left my heart with a constant longing for something, something that will only be filled in heaven. It reminds me that this place is not my true home and makes heaven a reality. Sorrow has a way of drawing me to heaven that joy doesn't. It pushes me to want to know Christ in a deeper way and long for him more. And I'm thankful for the change in me and how it transforms the way I live now. 

"I have come home at last! This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this."
(c.s. lewis, chronicles of narnia) 

Randy Alcorn has written Heaven and In light of Eternity. I would highly recommend both. They've helped me understand a biblical perspective on heaven and made me so excited to go there someday.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Monday.

Amelia started our Monday with a little excitement. I was doing my devotion when I heard screaming from down the hall. I could tell immediately it was bad. I ran down to my room and Amelia had her finger smashed in the door and it was completely shut. It took me a second to get it out and when I did her finger was totally deformed. I tried my best to calm her down, but after awhile she would stop crying and I called the dr. He said to come in. I managed to get the kids in the car and sometime while driving Amelia finally stopped crying. (almost an hour later) 

Thankfully no major damage done, possibly a slight fracture. We go back next week to take another x-ray. She's quietly napping now and I should be catching up around the house. But I find myself enjoying this quiet moment in the house and can't talk myself in getting up.

There is a lot of the last couple months that I wanted to document, but haven't made the time. I can't go back and do it all, but I thought I'd do a little. 
We've slowly been taking on little house projects, now that it's ours. I'm not one that really enjoys the process. I like everything in it's place and once I have it the way I like it I don't change it often. But I'm learning. I'm learning to appreciate making a house into a home. 
Caleb put this wainscoting up in our living room and I love it. We painted the walls a light grey, but the picture doesn't show the color very well. We also painted our kitchen cabinets white and our fireplace. 


I thought I had finished painting the fireplace and thought I had done a pretty good job, but I see I was wrong. Caleb redid almost the whole thing. 
q

I experienced VBS for the first time this year. My kids loved it and are still singing the theme song.

My sister came to visit. It was great, but a little on the short side. Looking forward to Christmas.

Caleb and I are trying to have special dates with the kids more often, He spent time with the girls, while I took Elijah out.


We celebrated 6 years of marriage this August. 

Lots of thunder storms lately. They are my favorite. 

The rains left us with plenty of mud to play in.

 Elijah and Daddy camped in the backyard and let us enjoy s'mores with them.

Elijah's in soccer again this fall. He's loving it this time around and doing so much better than before. 

This weekend Caleb and his wisdom teeth taken out and there was no lack of company to make him feel better. They didn't comprehend how it was hard for him to talk, but I don't think they were too worried, Elijah did enough talking for everyone. 






Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I want to see God.


My little Nay is scared of the dark. Every night I pray with her and sing to her. Give her a flashlight and turn the nightlight on, but every time I start to leave the room she cries and tells me she's scared. She doesn't want me to leave. I lay down with her and reassure her that everything is going to be fine and that I'm always close by. Then I tell her that God never leaves her. He's right next to her taking better care of her than I can. He never sleeps and He's always watching over her. This seems to bring a little comfort, but she quickly says, I can't see him. I want to see him. 

I know what it's like to want to see him, hear him, feel him. I know he's there, but I want more. So, when she said, I want to see him, for a second my heart hurt for her. How was I going to explain God to my three year old? But my ever faithful God was right there with me and in the exact moment I needed words he gave them to me. I told her that she does see him all the time. She sees him when she's cares for Amelia. She sees him when Elijah shares his toys with her. She sees him when Caleb and I are loving towards one another. God displays himself all the time when we act like Christ. I love how the truths we know come to life as we explain them to our children. God used Vanessa to show himself to me in that moment. I was reminded of the kind of life I need to be living. 

I was humbled as I realized how often I take credit for my 'good deeds' or for the times my children are sweet. It's not my good works, it's Christ working in me. And I was reminded that every time I don't act Christ-like I'm loosing an opportunity to show my children and those around me my Savior. 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

End of Summer

 I think one of my favorite things this Summer was going to the Spirit of Boise Balloon Festival. A friend of mine told me that it was incredible and even though I believed her I wasn't sure how watching some hot air balloons take off could be that amazing. Well, she was right, it was pretty amazing. We woke the kids up about six and made our way downtown before the sun was up. 
We easily found a spot to watch and right as the sun was starting to rise the first of 40 balloons took off. 
Watching the children's excitement was the best part. It was so magical to see their wonder as they tried to understand these massive balloons fly through the sky. I'm already looking forward to next year.









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