Thursday, May 30, 2013

a lot of the little things...

Holding our thumb sucker.

Lots of healthy eating...30 days no sugar.

 washing dishes time. singing in the mirror time. showing off her cute smile time.
did a garage sale. worked on a project. bought stuff at a garage sale.

remembering my mom, she's been in heaven for 19 years. waiting impatiently for my peonies to open. playing dress up. trying to get Caleb to take a picture before our date.

the sweetest girl. cuddles. superhero. music. stories. smiles. cooking. hand holding.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013


How perfect spring is. To come into a season of new life after longs months of cold is so sweet. I love winter and don't mind the cold dreary days. I find them kind of magical. But, by February the cold dreary days start to wear on me and I long to see signs of spring. 

This year the cold months outside seemed to mirror what was happening with me. It was a lonely season full of areas the Lord was refining. A hard and painful process, but a beautiful one. There were days when I had enough and felt I couldn't handle anymore. But God knows exactly what I can truly handle and He never gave me too much. 

Now spring is here. It came at a time that I really needed it. It feels like a breath of fresh air. I can't seem to get enough of watching everything turn from all shades of grey and brown to vibrant greens. And it's a sweet time of renewed strength for my soul. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A couple of Amelia's one year pictures that I snapped a couple weeks ago. I'm really wanting to have pictures taken of all the kids, but haven't found a photographer in Idaho that I love. I'm about ready to make a trip to California just for some pictures.

I've enjoyed her so much lately. I wonder how it's possible, but everyday my love and joy for her grows. Today she was playing peek a boo with Caleb and I at lunch. She was laughing so hard and I wanted to freeze time. I love this stage she's at. 

I wonder if I'll ever write that life isn't busy. Probably not. Life is full and there is always something to do. It's a blessing. Whenever I feel like I just want a break I think back to being on bed rest. What long days those were. I would have given anything to get up and do the laundry. It helps to remember those times on days like today when I never found the bottom of the laundry basket. 

We've put an offer on the house that we're renting and it was accepted. It seems as though everything will go through smoothly, but I'm hesitant to get too excited until it's official. Although I'm already picking out paint colors. 

I scheduled Elijah to have his tonsils and adenoids removed today. He saw the Dr. on Monday and he thought it would probably be good to remove them for a number of reasons, but was a little hesitant. He sent me home and I've spent the last two nights listening to him sleep because the Dr. suspected that he probably has sleep apnea. After two nights of listening I believe he does and the Dr. thinks we definitely need to take them out now that sleep apnea is confirmed. I know it's very routine, but I'm sad for him. At the age of 4 having a major surgery that I'm told has a hard recovery. It's been a reminder to me of how broken our bodies are and that this is not our true home.

Today is day 17 of no sugar. (well sort of no junk or processed food, but we have had sugar in forms of pure maple syrup and raw local honey) I'll write more on this later, but I can say I'm feeling good. Those first days were much harder than I thought they were going to be. I'm amazed that I really can tell a difference even though I would say we have a habit of eating healthy. 

I keep thinking that I'll start blogging more regularly. I have so many thoughts swirling around my head that I want to write out. But I've found that I'm writing them more and more in my journal. I appreciate reading posts from people who are honest and vulnerable. You can relate and sometimes they've put something into words that you couldn't. But I struggle doing that very thing here. I'm a private person who has a hard time opening up to my closest friends. I find that writing out those thoughts for anyone to read is nearly impossible for me. So, it stays a little quiet around here.

Well, it's 9:45 and after two nights of very little sleep I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. So this is the end of a very random post. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

anything but,

"To deny ourselves is the hardest thing in the world. Anything but that, Lord! But He says that's the first condition. If you're not prepared to fulfill that condition, you need not apply for discipleship."
Elisabeth Elliot

Anything but that...I felt that a lot before I had children and even more after. I was willing to do as the Lord asked as long as it didn't involve my children. They were mine, not His. I would do everything to take care of them. Even if everything was impossible. Even if I didn't know what the best thing for them was. 

Vanessa just turned 3. It makes me slow down and remember her. Remember what it took to bring her here. How close we were to losing her. How God used her to teach me to give up my 'anything, but.' 

It was obvious in the moment that we were in a high risk situation when I was pregnant with Vanessa. But it wasn't till after she was born and my doctor had a better understanding of all that had gone on during my pregnancy that we understood how incredible it was that she lived. He told me it was a miracle. There really was no reason she should have lived. I'm so grateful that God didn't ask me to walk through losing her. 

But He did ask me to trust him for months of not knowing. It took months to pry from my tightly gripped hand, my 'anything but.' I know that there are harder trials, but God tailor made this for me. It stretched all my weakest areas. The areas I wanted to control. The areas I thought I knew best. The areas I was scared to let go, the ones I didn't believe God was bigger enough to handle. 

He was faithful though. He was kind and gracious and showed me that I can surrender everything to Him. That His plan is much better. And the freedom that comes when fully believing in His Sovereignty.

It actually took me longer than months. It was a full year after Vanessa was born and I was still living in fear. Trying to hold on to my children as tightly as possible. It took a year to learn that my children are not even mine. They are His, in my care. It's a lesson I have to be reminded of, but one that changed me and my parenting. 

Friday, May 10, 2013

our visit.

 We are coming off of ten days with Caleb's parents. (well, he's dad could only say for four days, but his mom stayed longer)

I don't really like the term 'in law' cause when I tell people that my mother in law is coming to visit their first reaction is sympathy. It's so sad that a relationship that could be so precious is stereotyped with such negativity. I realize that I'm very blessed to have married into the family I did. I do not take it for granted! I look forward to my mom coming and if she found a way to stay longer than ten days we'd be thrilled. I saw somewhere....I truly can't remember where, a girl use the term 'mother in love' I like that much better. 

 So, here is a little bit of our visit. As I was putting the pictures up the kids asked me when Yiayia and Papa were coming back and if they could come play today. They just don't understand the concept of distance yet.
Picking them up from the airport is a favorite. The kids are so so excited. 

We didn't waste anytime...first day they were here and we were off buying Elijah a bike. 

Nay loves her Papa and had him lounging on our hard floors for a tea party.

 Mom kept saying they were sleeping so well...I'd have to disagree. They were so excited they went to be hours past their bed time and rose with the 6:00. But obviously Yiayia doesn't mind:)

Caleb and my favorite memory with them was the night we got a babysitter and just us adults went out to dinner. I was trying to think if the four of us have ever had dinner alone before and I can't remember a time. It was SO. MUCH. FUN. It started with mom and I ditching the guys of a shopping spree at Anthropology. And then a three hour dinner of us laughing and laughing. 

So content in Papa's arms.

 We celebrated Nay's birthday again and Papa and Yiayia got her a bike too. Vanessa couldn't believe it. When she saw the bike she started running towards it saying over and over, oh no! oh no! it's pink! 
(i'm kind of thinking at this point mom was hoping I'd put the camera down and help....but no. I just kept taking pictures:)

We tried out new parks.
Ate out way too much.
had picnics.
each kids got special time with Yiayia.
worked in the yard.
went to the library.
went to the movies.
ice cream shop.
candy shop.
nails were done.
and things I know I'm forgetting. 
The last night we did a family night...which is kind of funny cause every night is family night, but we popped popcorn and started a movie. The movie was a bust so the kids put on a concert. They entertained us for hours. It was another favorite time for everyone.

 Mom surprised Caleb and I with a night away. I don't know what else to say except it was so much fun. I know I'm sounding redundant, but it was. The whole trip was a blast, every part.

Love you Dad and Mom!!!!! Come back....

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


Little Amelia, I feel like she's been a slightly neglected on my blog. That does not mean she's neglected in our home, she makes sure she is known to us. But here, this place on the Internet, it's gotten quieter. With one more child in the mix I'm busy, like most, but the more I pour into my children, the more I see how much they need my time and attention. I like the computer shut off, I like not talking on my phone much, I like not having a t.v. I like writing in my kids baby books and journals. I like reading books. 

But this place is special to me, because I've documented so much that I wouldn't have otherwise. I'm working on turning into a book that I know I'll cherish. Last night was a moment I knew I'd put on here. It's one I wanted documented along side so many things Elijah and Vanessa have done.

 I fell a little more in love with Amelia, and my job as a mother. I looked out my kitchen window and watched her digging in the dirt all by herself. Elijah and Vanessa were playing together inside. She's in that beautiful stage of wonder. Where dirt and grass make her giggle and she listens to the birds with such intensity. She was content playing for hours and I was content to watch her. I remembered when the other two were at this stage. I couldn't drag them inside. Now, Lego's called their names, and dirt didn't appeal as much. All my children love the outdoors and play there regularly, but I'm amazed that at 3 and 4 our tiny yard no longer excites them the way it once did. I understand that's part of growing up and it's a sign of a health mind to want to explore more and need new challenges. I'm just surprised how fast it happens. 

This moment watching Amelia play I loved that I'm privileged to stay home and experience these things with her. I allow the duties of motherhood to sometimes rob me of the pleasure of watching my children. And I can easily forget all the wonder that is around me.

Nay heard the fun and quickly joined. These sisters have so much fun together.
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