Tuesday, October 23, 2012

be present


We were sitting at the table enjoying our dinner; Amelia next to us in her high chair and the other two at their little table. Dinner time is always eventful and I often dream of a time when all three will feed themselves without getting it all over themselves and the floor. 
In the same moments I'm wishing them older I'm also trying to make time stand still. They grow too fast and I dread them getting a day older. 
This dinner turned into one I never wanted to end. Nay started singing this sweet lullaby I sing to her before bed. Hearing her little voice and seeing her tiny fingers moving while she sang was one of the cutest things. I started to get up to find a camera. I wanted to film it so I'd never forget, but Caleb stopped me. He said, lets just be present. I sat back down and at first felt like I was missing catching this moment. As his words have been swirling around my mind since then it hit me that sometimes I miss the moment because I'm too busy trying to capture it. 

I take lots of pictures, write in the children's baby books, keep this blog, and save many letters and drawings. I am the memory keeper. I enjoy doing it, but sometimes I feel an extra pressure to document every little thing with the thought that I, like my mom, might not always be around. If I'm not here I want them to look at pictures of us and see the love I have for them. I want them to read and know all the stories I wouldn't be able to tell.

I'll probably forget what Nay sounded like as she sang her lullaby that night, but I'm realizing I don't need to remember every little thing. I need to be present. All their childhood won't be documented for them to look back on, but I hope that as I'm present and engaging with them they'll remember the feelings we gave them as children. I pray they look back and feel loved and cared for and remember lots of smiles and laughs. 

8 comments:

kenzie said...

this is a sweet reminder.

Purposely at Home said...

I love this...may I live in the present... Thanks for the reminder, Jessica. :)

xo
purposelyathome.blogspot.com

bandofbrothers said...

what a great reminder to be present. what a sweet post. precious little nay.

Kelly said...

I 100% agree. be present. one day you'll blink and they will be starting high in 8 months. ;)

katygirl said...

sweet little girl.

christina said...

ahhhhh love this post. I too want to soak it all in! I often find myself saying ... remember this moment.every detail. b/c soon they will be grown.

Denise said...

you are a good mommy. what a sweet story of being present with your little.

my littles are so big (14,13,10). i am often reminded of when they were little. it will be a song on the radio, something they say, and expression they make. all those times i was present become a sweet memory that i recall and recount with bigger them. you will have those moments too.

Kirra said...

this morning t was playing with e in the living room while i was pumping in the back of the house & all of a sudden i heard him yelling for me to come see- e was giggling for the first time. so i ran as fast as i could- but then realized i didn't have my phone so i was like, "make her hold on!" and he was like, "forget the phone just come hear her!" but i went for the phone anyways & i totally missed her first giggles because i was trying to capture it. lame.

what a good post!

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