Friday, March 23, 2012

recounting God's kindness

When trials come it's easy for me to get short sighted. I quickly get caught up in the circumstances instead of my response. I knew that with the joy of Amelia's birth would also come unique challenges. So, I spent a lot of time in prayer and in God's word preparing for the time when hormones were raging and extreme exhaustion had taken over. I wanted to see him in it all. 

Here we are three weeks later and it's been an unexpected ride. Amelia slept on a bilirubin blanket for the first week and half trying to get her bilirubin numbers down. I had to quit breastfeeding and pump because my milk it was making her jaundice worse. Now she's dealing with thrush and reflux. 

I'm dealing with complications from the epidural that have kept me in bed most of the day.

It would be easy for me to complain about these circumstances and at times I have, but more than anything I've seen God's kindness to us. It's wonderful as I lay in bed at the end of the day to recount God's faithfulness to us in the big and small and give him the glory for it all.

There are mornings when I wake up not sure how I'm going to do it all, but God's given me the strength or the help I've needed. Everytime. 

The physical problems have forced me to slow down and rest. As much as I wish I was feeling better resting has given me precious time with Amelia that would otherwise been spent doing housework. I've loved every second holding her and it's bonded us so much. I know that's a gift from God.  

Elijah and Vanessa are in love with Amelia. They miss my attention, but haven't shown any signs of jealousy towards Amelia. I'm so thankful for that. 

Then the other day after a week of gloomy rainy weather I looked out my window and saw this gift.

The Steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, 
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.


Susan said...

Beautiful post, thanks for sharing! I felt the same way when I saw my daffodils opening yesterday, it gives you the excitement for a whole new season in your life and what God has in store for you. I pray that you and Amelia get stronger each day!

hannah singer said...

loved this, jessica.
amen. think on his goodness in the past and glean joy from it NOW. praying for you. xo

bandofbrothers said...

I am so sorry to hear about the struggles jess! but you always blow me away with your heavenly perspective. i can't wait to talk to you. i feel a phone call coming in the next few days. miss you and love you!

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