Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Steadfastness...

It's still dark outside and everything is still. V is the only one awake and she's curled next to me as I write. 


...Hours later. V wanted my arms wrapped around her so I set the computer down and held her until she'd had enough. The house is now quiet again. My sweet girl is napping and Elijah is loving some Nana time. And I get some time to just sit and write.


My mind is full. Lately so many thoughts have been running around that it's hard to quiet them at night. One thing in particular has kept me restless. I just had a dr. appointment for our little girl. It seems that right before my appointments and for a couple days after my anxiety heightens. I feel like I'm living on borrowed time and the next appointment they're going to tell me that the complication have gotten worse. I'll be put on bed rest and I anxiously wait to see if our baby will be healthy.


I know God tells us to be anxious for nothing, but when I think about the possibilities of what could happen my problems seem too big and God so far away. It's an area in my spiritual life that I've had to take to the Lord over and over. I've been rereading a series on fear from this blog and I've been so encouraged. It reminded me that "there is not grace for our imagination, but there is grace for today."


I've also read James 1:3 and 4 "for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."


I am not allowing this test to produce steadfastness in my life and therefore it's not taking it's full effect. I give my fears to the Lord for a moment, but then take them back. 


I know that my fears are not God honoring, so I'm going to keep his word close to my heart. I'm choosing to trust in his plan, knowing that all he does is for his glory and my good. I want that steadfastness of Christ to take over and have it's full effect on me. 

6 comments:

Cheryl said...

Beautiful blog, Jessica! And what a beautiful family.
Ahh... fear. I just read a great article about that this morning.

http://theresurgence.com/2011/10/25/in-the-face-of-trouble-who-are-you?

Anyways, I completely relate. Great post.

kenzie said...

it was so good to hear your voice and talk to you today. I'll be praying for you fervently my friend! xo

5ohWifey said...

Beautiful. I too always feel lke I am living on borrowed time with my daughter. I need to release my anxiety to Jesus. I always love the verse "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" -Matthew 6:34

Angel said...

Even though you are writing about dealing with fear, your words seem really calming. Praying the trial you are facing will produce steadfastness, so that you will be mature, complete, and lacking nothing.

Rebekah said...

This is the exact same lesson I'm struggling to learn right now! I am not in fear of losing a cherished one but I have my own fear of losing something. What I keep finding is that: it is a process of laying it has His feet, He shows glimmers of hope when ask for them and sometimes when we don't [not necessarily "the" answer to our prayer but hope nonetheless], and praise/worship does wonders for the anxious heart. Praying for you!

katygirl said...

i am praying for you and babe.

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