Wednesday, September 28, 2011

enjoying our yard...

After apartment living, what a blessing having our own yard. We are loving every minute we get to be out in it.

Happy Thursday.

the other little boy...

Yesterday I told Elijah to clean up his room. (yes he's only two and a half...but if you know how to make the mess you know how to clean it up in my book.) 

I went to my room and started making my bed and before I was done Elijah was at my feet. Strange I thought, you must have performed a miracle to clean up so fast. 

So, I asked, "Elijah is your room all clean?"

and he looked at me like I was some kind of idiot and said, "mom, the other little boy in there doing it." (we have no other little boys living in our house...just in case you were wondering.)

Wow, we're at that stage now. He sure keeps me on my toes.
(yes...he's decked out in all of Caleb's lacross gear. He wants to be just like dada.)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

YiaYia Came...

We'd only been apart for three weeks and yet somehow it felt like three months. We were missing Yiayia (and papa) bad. Elijah would ask everyday to go home and play at Yiayia's house. I was hoping for a visit sooner rather than later, but as mom told me about things she had going on I really didn't think we'd see her until the end of October. What a surprise when she called on Tuesday telling me she was coming Friday. I think I cried when we hung up I was so excited. 

I didn't tell the kids cause I knew that's all I'd hear about until we picked her up. On Friday morning I woke the kids and told them I had a surprise for them. We loaded up in the car, made a quick stop to get Yiayia some ballons and were off to the airport....the kids still didn't know what we were doing.
getting ready to see yiayia...

waiting patiently...but still don't know what for...

 she's here.

Nay pushed Elijah out of the way, jumped in Yiayia's arms, locked eyes with her and never let go. 

We had an incredible week with her. We maybe did a little too much shopping...
(yes those would be baby pink uggs)

Elijah took her on a date. One of his favorite things to do with her. He took her to Starbuck and she got her coffee (something she was dying for...we don't drink coffee so she was a little desperate) and he got chocolate milk and a donut(maybe two.)

We tried to show her as much of Boise as we could with two little ones, but mostly we just did everyday life with her. We took her to the farm where we get our produce.

(i told the kids to look at me...this is what i got.)

She was a blessing to me...letting me sleep in and take naps, gettting up with the kids at night, helping with meals. (she made caleb his favorite granola and peach cobbler.) She's a true servant. She helped me with the house getting things in order and always did it as if it was the most exciting thing to be doing. 

While she was here we also found out we're having a...

We found out while Caleb was at work so mom and I painted these shirts while the kids were sleeping...I'm a Girl...and wore them to his Lacrosse game. 

Saying good-bye was way harder than I thought it would be. She is so missed in our home. We love you Yiayia.

Monday, September 19, 2011

This time around...

After we found out we were having complications with my pregnancy with Vanessa one of the first questions we asked was would this happen again? Our doctor told us it was random. There was a good chance it wouldn't happen again, but it could. He told us each pregnancy is different and this problem has a lot to do with the way the placenta attaches itself in the earliest parts of pregnancy. 

When we found out I was pregnant again we had high hopes that this would be a normal pregnancy. The first couple ultrasounds everything looked really good, but about five weeks ago, right before we moved I had my last appointment with my doctor. As he was doing the ultrasound he found the same problem with this pregnancy as with Vanessa. It's called bilateral notching, it's basically a blockage in the blood flow from me to the baby and the baby ends up not getting the nutrients it needs. It also compromises the health of the placenta and raises our risks for other problems. 

It was not news we wanted to hear. I bawled the whole drive home. Fears filling my mind. I felt like such a failure. Why can't I take care of my sweet babies? Images of the long road ahead consumed me until I reached home and hugged Caleb. He reminded me that we still don't know what's going to happen. Just because they see this problem doesn't mean it's going to effect this baby the way it did Vanessa. He reminded me that God carried us through before and will again. We prayed and now are in a waiting game. 

Only time will tell how the baby is growing. I've found a new doctor in Idaho, that I really like and will see a specialist in a couple weeks. 

I'm learning it seems for the hundredth time to take things moment by moment. Confessing my fears before the Lord and letting him carry us again. 

People often look at me and with all the best intentions say, "well look how well Vanessa is doing." This is a comfort. God graciously spared her life when he didn't have to. She's healthy and happy and such a joy. But that doesn't erase the trial that we went through bringing her here. Months on bed rest, being separated from Elijah for six weeks when he was only 16 months when I had barely left him before. Facing daily the fact that our baby might not live or have lots of complications. Seeing her born so tiny and not being able to take her home with us was one of the hardest things I've done. 

I don't want to go through that again, but I do know this, if God asks us to walk the same road again I'll do it differently. I really struggled being depressed last time. I didn't take the oportunity to see God's hand at work. I cared my worry close to my heart and was not grateful for the trial. This time I will choose to have a thankful heart. I'll allow the Holy Spirit to work in me and trust in God's plan not my own. Please pray for us as we wait to see how our baby will grow.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

things i love about being pregnant...

If I were being completely honest sometimes I forget I'm pregnant and just think I'm sick. It's easy to focus on the uncomfortable parts of pregnancy when you can't escape them and forget the wonderful miracle happening inside. So, I've started to make a list....

The things I love about being pregnant. 

the feeling when you see two lines for the first time.

telling the people you love the most.

the first ultrasound photo...well all the ultrasounds photos.

hearing the heart beating.

 emails from babycenter telling me what size of fruit my baby is this week.

feeling the baby move.

Caleb talking to my belly.

Elijah talking to my belly. (he yells into my belly button and then tells me the baby is sleeping.)

thinking of baby names.

looking through Elijah and Vanessa's baby clothes wondering if it's a boy or girl. 

dreaming of what he or she will look like. 

praying for the baby. 

the excuse to endulge every crazy food craving.

suddenly noticing every pregnant woman.

being pregant with friends.

finding out the gender.

being amazed by God in creating this miracle.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

set apart.

I sometimes wish God would whisper in my ear exaclty what his plan for my life is. I get so caught up in wanting to know this plan that I fear I miss just living it out. 

I've been realizing something, something I have to remind myself of often. Doing God's work looks different for everyone. Our gifts are different so of course our callings will be different. I need to stop comparing myself to others.

God is also opening my eyes to the incredible difficulty of living radically for him admidst the American Dream. The need for a Savior isn't thrown in your face here the way it is in other parts of the world. I'm seeing that to live intentionally for him and to look set apart from the world is hard in a world where no one thinks they need anything.

God's also genlty reminded me that no matter where I am in the world he's called me to one thing right now....being a wife and mother. He's blessed me with a husband and children and they are my first priority. 

This quote encouraged my heart this morning...

"The mother is the hub of the home, holding all the spokes in place. 
Without her being at her post, the family spins out of control and 
falls apart.” Mark Chanski

He also writes this... 

“There she sits exhausted on the edge of her bed, her face in her 
hands, wondering, “Where's the glory in this?”
She needs something more empowering to keep her going.
She needs to gain and maintain the deep conviction of the glory, 

honor, and nobility ofselfless service. This she finds at the foot of 
the cross, looking up to the One who earned for Himself “the name 
which is above every name” (Philippians 2:9), by “emptying 
Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant” (2:7), humbling 
Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on 
a cross” (2:8). There she beholds her Savior who mopped up the 
damning vomit of her own sin with the precious sponge of His 
perfect life and atoning death. The love of Christ constrains and
compels her to press on (2 Corinthians 5:14). The Spirit of Christ 
empowers  her” (pp. 120-121,).

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Things I don't want to forget: Vanessa edition.

 She's greets me with a smile every morning.

 She goes to sleep without crying every night.

Just hearing Elijah's name puts the biggest smile on her face.

Hearing the pitter patter of her little feet running down the hallway.

The way she backs into my legs whenever she wants me to sit down and hold her.

The swaying of her hips whenever there is music on.

The way she sleeps with her dolly tucked under her arm all night long.

When she tries to tickle me. 

She doesn't know a stranger.

She melts in her dada's arms.

Her strength and tender heart.

Her love for the outdoors.

The way she squeals when she hears dada come home from work. 

The moments she lays her head on my shoulder.

They way I get teary eyed looking into her eyes.

That Elijah is the only one she'll kiss no matter what.

When she smiles her eyes disappear.

The way she puts her arm around your shoulder and pats your back.

The way she pulls my hand away from whatever I'm doing when she wants my attention.

That she is our miracle.

(pictures were taken by my dear friend Amber.)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Hitting reset.

I looked at the clock this morning and it only said 10:00 a.m. It felt like 5:00. Surely Caleb would be walking through the door any moment and the day would come to a close. 

How did it get off to such a bad start. I'd already had to discipline the children more times than I could keep track of and still the complaining hadn't stopped. I was about to loose it. I sat on the couch wondering why this parenting thing is so hard when my mom pulled into the driveway, packed us up and got us out for awhile. 

It did my heart good to have some help and a change of scenery.  We came home in time for naps and I've had a moment to think and pray about what went wrong and how to set a new tone when the children wake up. 

I'm remembering that I am the one responsible for setting the tone. It doesn't just happen. It's work and it starts from my heart. I've been distracted. Trying to get boxes unpacked and the house in order has taken the priority lately. I haven't taken the time I need to with the Lord each morning. I haven't relied on him through out the day like I need to. I haven't seen the disruptions from my kids as Devine interruptions, times to stop and invest in them, but as something keeping me from my work. 

So, I'm hitting the reset button. Confessing my sin before the Lord and begging his help to not just get through the next couple hours, but to slow down and focus and what my number one priority is. 


One of the fears I've had about moving and I'm continually needing to take before the Lord is what kind of friends we'll have here. Caleb and I have made some of our best friends in California and it's hard thinking of living so far apart. It's hard imagining that we'll make as good of friends that we have here, but I know that God is faithful and he will give us all we need.

These four have been friends since junior high.

They've been separated by distance before and have always remained close...I know the same will be true as we start this new chapter.

These friends give me hope. When I was living in Bakersfield this winter God provided three incredible friends to become apart of my life. It took no time at all for us to become close and I know God blessed me with them at a time I really needed a friend. I love them all dearly and can't wait to see them again. 

Davi...thank you for making us take these pics even though we complained the whole time.

I'm kind of at a loss about what to say about the six of us...these are the people I love being around no matter what...they're the truest kind of a friend. They've challenged Caleb and I in our walk with the Lord, our marriage, and in our parenting. We love you guys and are going to miss not living close.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

up and running...

After two weeks of no internet we're up and running again. It amazed me how dependant I was on the internet. I found myself wanting to look up directions to places around town, needed to order somethings for the kids room, researching doctors in the area and had to find different ways of doing it. Even though I felt a little disconnected from everything I kind of liked not having internet. I was able to accomplish so much and times I waste on the computer was spent playing with the kids or unpacking boxes. But don't get me wrong...I'm glad to have it back. 

It seems like a lifetime ago that we packed up the moving truck and started our journey to Idaho. It was so fun seeing our new house for the first time and watching the kids run through with such excitement at their new rooms and a backyard to play in. The weather here is incredible. We welcomed fall on September first and went from 90 degrees to high 60's. The trees are slowly starting to turn colors and I'm loving it. 

I'm thoroughly enjoying my garden and have had fresh tomatoes almost every day....

I'm also able to keep fresh flowers in my house. I have rose bushes, hydrangea bushes, and many others that I need to learn about. 

My parents and grandparents are a huge help in unloading boxes and getting things in their places. I know I'd barely be unpacked if they weren't here helping. We stayed with them the first couple nights until we got the rooms settled and on our first night in our home I thought it was only appropriate to have potatoes for dinner...

It's a lot to adjust to though. I'm missing family and friends more than I imagined and having to remind myself daily that this was God's plan for our family. Elijah asks everyday if we can go to our old house and play with our friends. He's having a hard time sleeping here and almost every night gets in bed with us. I'm thankful that Vanessa doesn't understand. She is as happy as can be here and would play outside all day if I would let her. 

Our new house...

I'll post more pictures soon...I need to remember where I put my other lens. 
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