Thursday, June 2, 2011

in this world there will be pain.

God's creativity amazes me, whether it's in the natural beauty that surrounds us or in my children's unique personalities. 
When I was pregnant with Vanessa it was hard to imagine anything but Elijah. He was all I knew. I couldn't picture how another baby would look or act. 

But when V arrived suddenly all my images of Elijah vanished and in moments I saw her personality coming out. How is it possible to see glimpses of one's personality that is only a day old? Immediately Caleb and I saw determination and strength and sensitivity. These traits have only grown. 
She delicate, feminine, stubborn... 

she's observant...

and curious...

always on the move... 

with the biggest smile,

but lately my little angel hasn't been acting normal. I run through all the possibilities in my mind, overly tired, teething, ear infection, but this morning she woke up with red spots all over her body and I figured it was time to stop using webmd and call the nurse. 

Little V caught mono from me. I hate that V doesn't feel well, especially, because I'm the cause.  I would do anything to take the pain from her. There is nothing worse than seeing your children suffer, but it's made me realize something.
 I pray and pray for my kids. I didn't consciously pray that my kids wouldn't suffer in their lives, but when I started to really think about my prayers for them I found they mostly included protection from pain. I prayed for their health, for their future spouses, for the ability to have children of their own. I prayed for their spiritual life, that they would love the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. I prayed for protection from sin. That they would have humble sensitive hearts and wouldn't rebel from the truth.   

Now, I don't think these things are bad things to pray, in fact I think that most of them are good, but I realized I prayed them out of fear and because I never want my children to experience pain. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and already my children have experienced pain and it will only continue. 
When Elijah was born his skin was perfect. It was smooth and untouched by the world, but now at two he has more scrapes and bruises than you can imagine. He falls down more times in a day than I can count. These scrapes represent times he tried and failed, but he's always gotten up again and he's stronger because of it. 
Elijah and Vanessa have pain and heart break in their future. I wish it wasn't so and I will do all in my power to carry them through those times and ease the pain. 
But God turns all things to good for those that love him. So, my prayer is that they love him with all their heart and will run to him with all their pain and trust him with it. I pray that God will use their pain and trials to strengthen their faith and bring them closer to him.
 

So, for now, I'm soaking up that my little mover wants to sit in my arms and cuddle me. I'm loving that in her pain she wants me to hold her and comfort her. I'm not going to take for granted that I have a precious little girl to care for.  I'm imagining lots of time in my rocking chair over the next couple days and I'm loving the thought.




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17 comments:

Alyss said...

Did I write this?! My goodness. You have written exactly what I feel. I never realized that I pray out of fear until I read this post though. It's so true! I want God to prevent pain for my son. By praying with that intention though, it shows God that I am not truly putting my trust in Him. Thank you for the reminder!

bandofbrothers said...

such amazing insights Jess, you never cease to amaze and inspire me.

and i am so terribly sorry that little V caught mono:( may your times in the rocking chair be an extra special blessing to you.

Sharstin said...

Your posts are always so touching, and I feel so much the same way. I hope little v gets feeling better soon:)

katie said...

Wow, I never realized that I was praying through fear. That just nailed me. Thank you for the insight. I hope you and your sweet girl are feeling better soon!

Jami said...

These pictures are precious! There is no denying I have this false sense sometimes that I can protect my kids from pain if I just pray hard enough. I guess it's just part of being a mommy. Hope you both are back to normal soon. xoxo

Danielle said...

feel better soon! poor mama and baby.

michaela said...

thanks for the sweet comment on my blog, jessica! we're going to be great new friends...i can tell by that yellow cardigan on your header. :-)

Kelly said...

jessica, this was so beautiful! i pray out of fear too and didn't realize it. through suffering we grow, as hard as that is to accept. ugh! prain' that my kids no, all children know him and rely on him in all things.
xxO

he calls me wifey said...

I am so sorry that Vanessa is not well. I will send up some prayers for her restored health. Keep us updated!

~Andrea @ http://hecallsmewifey.blogspot.com/

the fox family channel said...

this is precious. what sweet words. love your outlook on life and on prayer. thanks for sharing! praying you and your sweet girl have sweet moments this weekend.

katygirl said...

i hope that nessa feels better soon!

Adam, April & Aidan said...

Sometimes I feel like I am praying for all the wrong things/reasons. And I am always trying to pray through fear. I need to remember that all of our lives have already been written. I need to put more trust in Him. Hope that sweet girl is feeling better soon!

meme-and-he said...

I pray V feels better soon! Her smile is so beautiful!

Heart n Soul said...

a moving post.... enjoy the cuddles while you can :)

{av} | {long distance loving} said...

saying prayers you both start feeling better soon! your post made me excited to be a mother {one day far in the future}. all in God's time ;) have a great night! xoxo {av}

p.s. be sure to stop by and enter my fab Whiting & Davis giveaway--you could win a handbag worth over $200!

Courtney B said...

Wow. This post is so beautiful!! As is your family. So adorable!!
I pray that your little V gets better asap!

Jess said...

Beautiful.
Not sure how I found you but I'm glad I did.
My second daughter had ear infections at 5 weeks and 7 weeks. The Dr. said it was the youngest she'd ever seen. (Oh happy day)
Not the same as mono, but it's more than difficult to watch your children hurt, no matter the age no matter the cause.
Just keep loving on them. And keep them close.

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