Tuesday, June 28, 2011

slightly inappropriate

Since I'm almost certain that only women read my blog....

Please someone, explain to me why she likes to go through my drawers and hang underwear from her neck....

She walks around the house like this until I find her and make her take them off....but I have to admit she's pretty cute.

Alrighty, I'm off to bed.

Monday, June 27, 2011

a dinner guest...

last night i had an extra mouth to feed...

he was polite, always saying please and thank you...

but a little shy. we do hope he can come again though. 
it makes my heart happy to see elijah's imagination at work...and it's always working.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

just some randomness

 I've felt a little uninspired with blogging lately, so here is just a bunch of randomness...

It's getting really hot in SoCal, and I'm melting. Seriously, I can't handle heat. Yesterday it was only 83 and it felt like 110 to me. So, we've started enjoying our pool. The kids want to get in everyday and Elijah shows no fear. He can't swim at all, but that doesn't keep him from jumping head first into the water. 

I started teaching swim lessons, but had to stop because of all the health stuff going on (big bummer)...but I should be back teaching in July and I can't wait.

Elijah thinks he's, maybe a little cooler than he actually is...

oh, how I love this girl and her skinny little body.

I started reading Little Woman and I'm thoroughly enjoying it, although it's taking me awhile to get through it and I might be a little late returning it to the library.

Caleb surprised me and took me out a couple Mondays ago. I had no idea at all until that evening when he told me to get ready. He took care of a babysitter and everything without me knowing...and that's hard to do. 

Can you guess where we went...

It was beautiful driving down the coast...

Love this man and so blessed by the times we spend together.

 I was told when I first got married that fresh flowers and a candle burning make a house a home. Well,  I guess our house is a home cause I have flowers in every corner of our tiny apartment.

 One of their favorite pastimes...

Her doll goes everywhere with her...

It's the sweetest thing to see her kiss her and sing to her. 

And in other fun news...got some test results back and the mono is GONE! I'm slowly getting some energy back and loving it. Some of the blood work for my liver is still abnormal so we're waiting to find out what's going on with that. Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging words. They mean a lot.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day to the man who...

loved them sacrificially from the moment we knew they were coming...

who works hard to provide for all their needs...

who freely shows affection...

who enjoys every moment with them...

who is training them in righteousness...

We LOVE you forever.

And...Happy Father's Day to two of the best dads a girl could ask for. 
My dad has always loved me. He was the first to show me unconditional Christ-like love. He forgives completely, has my complete respect, shares his wisdom, and loves selflessly.

 My second dad loves me like his own and has made me apart of his family. He leads with humility and teachability and always puts family first. 

 We love you, dads.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

just sitting here...

Since replacing Ripped in 30 with trying to recover I've been spending lots of time here...

Looking at the fresh flowers Caleb keeps bringing me...and smelling my wonderful candle.

I want to use me time wisely, not focusing on the things I can't do, but the things I can...
like, catching up on my reading list,
and writing letters.

Spending more time studying God's word and praying for my friends and family. I'm constantly trying to take my thoughts captive, replacing fear with trust and frustration with gratefulness. 

And I'm seriously loving all the cuddle time.
  I hear Elijah open the front door from being at the park with Caleb saying, "I need my mommy." Then he crawls into bed with me and tells me how much fun he had at the park. 

V just stretches out her arms reaching for me and gives me the biggest smile. love.it!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

waiting patiently.

This mono thing is really taking it's toll. I'm not recovering as fast as I would like and everytime I think I'm doing a little better I take two steps back. It's been discouraging. My doctor takes blood weekly to see where my numbers are. One of the tests he does keeps coming back adnormal. At first they thought it was just because of the mono. They decided to run some more tests and watch it. After this last round of blood work I expected a call on Monday telling me everything was looking good, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. My numbers keep getting higher. 

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. The nurse says I need to take this as serious as possible until we know more.  This means I need to rest as much as possible. (I don't think my doctor realizes I have a one and two year old, rest isn't something that happens in this house)  It also means a specialists and of course more tests. 

When I hung up with the nurse I was flooded with emotions. I felt sad, worried, overwhelmed, angry, and guilty. 

Caleb, truly my better half, handled it much better. His faith astounds me. His first response like always was, everything is going to be fine. His trust that God is in control is lived out in the moment. He knows God will take care of us. He also lives in the moment. He always takes things one at a time. He lets tomorrow worry about itself. While my mind is running around with all the crazy what if's his is set on God's promises. 

He pulled me into his arms, prayed for us and gently wiped my tears. 

For the last two days, I've been wrestling with my response. I want to learn from my mistakes and let God use this trial to draw me closer to him. I didn't choose to trust God in the moment. I didn't choose to be grateful for the trial and all the blessings that have come out of this time. And I didn't choose to obey. I was anxious, when God commands us to be anxious for nothing. I felt guilty, because I can't take care of my family they way I want to and I  put my worth into what I accomplish instead of what Christ had done for me. 

But, I serve a gracious and forgiving God who doens't see my failures, because Christ paid it all. Whether it turns out to be nothing or whether it's serious I will choose to trust in him. 

And my prayer is that I will wait patiently, "laying aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and run with endurance the race that is set before me, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." 
Hebrews 12:1 and 2

My iniquities are great and numberless,
 but thou art adequate to my relief,
for thou art rich in mercy; 
the blood of thy Son can cleanse from all sin;
the agency of thy Spirit can subdue
my most powerful lusts.
Give me a tender, wakeful conscience
that can smite and torment me when I sin.
May I be consistent in conversation and conduct,
the same alone as in company,
accepting all thy commandments as right,
and hating every false way.
May I never be satisfied with my present spiritual progress,
but to faith add virtue, knowledge, temperance, godliness, brotherly kindness, charity.

The Valley of Vision

Thursday, June 9, 2011

family day...

our best times are together.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

in this world there will be pain.

God's creativity amazes me, whether it's in the natural beauty that surrounds us or in my children's unique personalities. 
When I was pregnant with Vanessa it was hard to imagine anything but Elijah. He was all I knew. I couldn't picture how another baby would look or act. 

But when V arrived suddenly all my images of Elijah vanished and in moments I saw her personality coming out. How is it possible to see glimpses of one's personality that is only a day old? Immediately Caleb and I saw determination and strength and sensitivity. These traits have only grown. 
She delicate, feminine, stubborn... 

she's observant...

and curious...

always on the move... 

with the biggest smile,

but lately my little angel hasn't been acting normal. I run through all the possibilities in my mind, overly tired, teething, ear infection, but this morning she woke up with red spots all over her body and I figured it was time to stop using webmd and call the nurse. 

Little V caught mono from me. I hate that V doesn't feel well, especially, because I'm the cause.  I would do anything to take the pain from her. There is nothing worse than seeing your children suffer, but it's made me realize something.
 I pray and pray for my kids. I didn't consciously pray that my kids wouldn't suffer in their lives, but when I started to really think about my prayers for them I found they mostly included protection from pain. I prayed for their health, for their future spouses, for the ability to have children of their own. I prayed for their spiritual life, that they would love the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. I prayed for protection from sin. That they would have humble sensitive hearts and wouldn't rebel from the truth.   

Now, I don't think these things are bad things to pray, in fact I think that most of them are good, but I realized I prayed them out of fear and because I never want my children to experience pain. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and already my children have experienced pain and it will only continue. 
When Elijah was born his skin was perfect. It was smooth and untouched by the world, but now at two he has more scrapes and bruises than you can imagine. He falls down more times in a day than I can count. These scrapes represent times he tried and failed, but he's always gotten up again and he's stronger because of it. 
Elijah and Vanessa have pain and heart break in their future. I wish it wasn't so and I will do all in my power to carry them through those times and ease the pain. 
But God turns all things to good for those that love him. So, my prayer is that they love him with all their heart and will run to him with all their pain and trust him with it. I pray that God will use their pain and trials to strengthen their faith and bring them closer to him.

So, for now, I'm soaking up that my little mover wants to sit in my arms and cuddle me. I'm loving that in her pain she wants me to hold her and comfort her. I'm not going to take for granted that I have a precious little girl to care for.  I'm imagining lots of time in my rocking chair over the next couple days and I'm loving the thought.

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