Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love Story: part two

So, we left off with Caleb seeming to have forgotten my name while I was off tromping around Scotland. It was an incredible trip, but all good things must come to an end. 


The semester started up again. I got settled in to school and back into the swing of things. Caleb was back at seminary. We'd seen each other at church and smiled if we walked past each other, but acted like we barely new one another. We were even on one of the same committees at church and we still didn't talk more than we had to. It wasn't awkward or bitter. It just seemed like nothing ever happened.

I started spending time with someone else. We'd been friends since freshman year, but nothing ever sparked until one night in the library. He was there studying and I'm really not sure what I was doing there, but we started talking. Suddenly, I found myself needed to visit the library a lot. Until one night he showed up at my door with a mason jar full of roses. It was so cute. I was still enjoying the flirty stage, but he said relationship or nothing. And, I didn't want to say good-bye. He pretty much had it all together and I thought I'd be crazy to not go for it.

We started dating. We had fun together. He was a little on the quiet side, but that was okay. I was crazy  enough  for the both of us. He was smart, determined, cute, and he treated me amazing. Something didn't feel quite right about us though. I couldn't put my finger on it so I tried to push the feeling aside as nerves. Plus, life was pretty busy for us. He was a biology major, which explains all the hours in the library. I was finishing up school and really involved at church. I also had surgery a week or so into us officially dating and was trying to recover. Didn't leave much time for us to build a relationship. But, I thought once I was recovered that would work itself out and things would be fine.

Meanwhile, Caleb started to notice me again. Back in sight, back in mind? I guess? I still don't understand that boy sometimes.

 We had a lot of mutual friends, but Caleb never hung out with us. That changed. He made himself available wherever we were. He knew I was dating someone else, but this time he did know what he wanted and he was willing to wait for it. I was past thinking he was rude, but not on to thinking anything more. I was neutral. I had a boyfriend and we'd already been down that road.

There was trouble in paradise though. That sinking feeling that something wasn't right wasn't going away. My dad said I was nuts and not to do anything stupid. Guys like this aren't a dime a dozen. He asked me just to give it more time. (I also think my dad knew how dis-functional I was about guys and this sounded pretty good. He didn't want me to ruin it.)  I continued to spend a lot of my time at church helping with different things and he stayed in the library. It seemed as if we just kept living our separate lives, but we threw in an occasional walk or dinner. And because he was so quiet I felt like I always had carry the conversation. He never let his guard down with me. I didn't feel like I was getting to know him at any deeper level.  After a month I just didn't have a peace about it. ( I know it sounds a little cliche, but it's the truth) I knew I had to end things. I didn't want to lead him on when I knew it couldn't go anywhere. It was really hard. I couldn't explain at the time what I was feeling which made it harder. He had seen a future with me and it broke his heart. It broke mine to see him hurt. The whole thing was a big mess. He tried his best to see if we could fix it, but there was nothing to be done. We weren't right together and I knew it the second we broke up and I quit trying to make something fit that didn't.

(can I just get an amen for not dating anymore. it's the worst.)

Caleb already had a good idea we'd be breaking up. We had a mutual friend that kept him in the loop about what was going on with me. It didn't take him long to swoop in. He wasn't going to mess this up again.

But, I had just gotten out of a relationship and for someone who had barely dated since becoming a Christian this was a lot for me to handle. I wasn't ready for someone else....

1 comment:

katygirl said...

this is leaving me on pins and needles.

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