Thursday, March 31, 2011

Davy's Birthday...

We had blast celebrating Davy's birthday party at Melody Ranch. 

trains are is favorite.

happy birthday davy!



my little beauty.


one big happy family.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love Story: part two

So, we left off with Caleb seeming to have forgotten my name while I was off tromping around Scotland. It was an incredible trip, but all good things must come to an end. 


The semester started up again. I got settled in to school and back into the swing of things. Caleb was back at seminary. We'd seen each other at church and smiled if we walked past each other, but acted like we barely new one another. We were even on one of the same committees at church and we still didn't talk more than we had to. It wasn't awkward or bitter. It just seemed like nothing ever happened.

I started spending time with someone else. We'd been friends since freshman year, but nothing ever sparked until one night in the library. He was there studying and I'm really not sure what I was doing there, but we started talking. Suddenly, I found myself needed to visit the library a lot. Until one night he showed up at my door with a mason jar full of roses. It was so cute. I was still enjoying the flirty stage, but he said relationship or nothing. And, I didn't want to say good-bye. He pretty much had it all together and I thought I'd be crazy to not go for it.

We started dating. We had fun together. He was a little on the quiet side, but that was okay. I was crazy  enough  for the both of us. He was smart, determined, cute, and he treated me amazing. Something didn't feel quite right about us though. I couldn't put my finger on it so I tried to push the feeling aside as nerves. Plus, life was pretty busy for us. He was a biology major, which explains all the hours in the library. I was finishing up school and really involved at church. I also had surgery a week or so into us officially dating and was trying to recover. Didn't leave much time for us to build a relationship. But, I thought once I was recovered that would work itself out and things would be fine.

Meanwhile, Caleb started to notice me again. Back in sight, back in mind? I guess? I still don't understand that boy sometimes.

 We had a lot of mutual friends, but Caleb never hung out with us. That changed. He made himself available wherever we were. He knew I was dating someone else, but this time he did know what he wanted and he was willing to wait for it. I was past thinking he was rude, but not on to thinking anything more. I was neutral. I had a boyfriend and we'd already been down that road.

There was trouble in paradise though. That sinking feeling that something wasn't right wasn't going away. My dad said I was nuts and not to do anything stupid. Guys like this aren't a dime a dozen. He asked me just to give it more time. (I also think my dad knew how dis-functional I was about guys and this sounded pretty good. He didn't want me to ruin it.)  I continued to spend a lot of my time at church helping with different things and he stayed in the library. It seemed as if we just kept living our separate lives, but we threw in an occasional walk or dinner. And because he was so quiet I felt like I always had carry the conversation. He never let his guard down with me. I didn't feel like I was getting to know him at any deeper level.  After a month I just didn't have a peace about it. ( I know it sounds a little cliche, but it's the truth) I knew I had to end things. I didn't want to lead him on when I knew it couldn't go anywhere. It was really hard. I couldn't explain at the time what I was feeling which made it harder. He had seen a future with me and it broke his heart. It broke mine to see him hurt. The whole thing was a big mess. He tried his best to see if we could fix it, but there was nothing to be done. We weren't right together and I knew it the second we broke up and I quit trying to make something fit that didn't.

(can I just get an amen for not dating anymore. it's the worst.)

Caleb already had a good idea we'd be breaking up. We had a mutual friend that kept him in the loop about what was going on with me. It didn't take him long to swoop in. He wasn't going to mess this up again.

But, I had just gotten out of a relationship and for someone who had barely dated since becoming a Christian this was a lot for me to handle. I wasn't ready for someone else....


Elijah reaching for my hand...

Nessa resting on my chest...

Seeing them together.


"oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good:
for his steadfast love endures forever."
Psalms 118:29

Monday, March 28, 2011

Worn out

lately, i've felt worn out and exhausted. 

exhausted and overly emotional, not a good combination.

life has had a little extra crazy thrown in lately. i knew it would be with caleb working out of town, but 3 1/2 months is a long time.

at first i found myself ready to take it all on. caleb being gone was going to be hard, but i was going to be super wife, mom, you name it i was going to do it. it didn't take long for it to wear on me though. (maybe by day one i had retired my cape.) but i keep trudging through. i was going to do this. i pulled myself up by my boot straps and kept going. but it didn't get easier and before long i was loosing it.

i thought about the promise that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but this was starting to feel like more than i could handle. i remember telling caleb that i was hanging on, but one more thing cannot go wrong or i'd fall. well, about twenty minutes later i got a phone call that was definitely one more thing going seriously wrong. but, somehow i didn't lose it and i realized why. i turned to God. i had no other choice. i couldn't take this on myself. i had to lay my burdens down and let him carry them.

 that's what was missing the whole time. i was trying to do it all in my own strength. i mean i still did my daily devotions and prayed with the kids, but i hadn't really come to God moment by moment allowing him to carry me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9  
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

i experienced God's grace. he revealed to me that he is enough and that i have the power of Christ resting on me. what a beautiful thing. i am nothing without Christ and it is in him that i am renewed and strengthened to carry on. he is faithful and his promises are true. 

it's still tough and i still pridefully, try to do it on my own sometimes. but God "being rich in mercy," reminds me to come back to him and he holds me close. 

is it an incredible thing how weak we are. we need Christ to show us our weakness, make us turn to him, forgive us of our sin, then carry us through whatever we're going through and he does it all out of an amazing love for us. we're nothing without him.

Friday, March 25, 2011


Babysitting my sisters kids is kind of like having two sets of twins. 

It's crazy, but oh so fun...
 I survived,
six dirty diapers,
three changes of clothes. 

three jars of baby food before i found out what this little one would eat. 

six different nap times.

lots of toys, lots of laughs, lots of crying.

and a photo shoot. 
danny had no problems letting me know that he wanted to be held the WHOLE time.
almost got it...
ahh, a miracle.

Happy weekend everyone. I hope it's relaxing.

(part 2 coming next week)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A LOVE STORY: part one.

 The first time I meet Caleb. It was winter of '06. It was at church and my sister introduced us. I thought he was cute, but no butterflies or sparks flying. Although, he does remember sitting behind me at church that Sunday and thinking he could marry me. He's a guy who knows what he wants I guess, well maybe forward to that Summer.

 I went on a backpacking trip with a group from church and he happened to be there. I don't think we'd really talked since that first meeting at church. But that was all about to change. We kept finding each other, hiking, fishing, and that evening he found his way next to me by the camp fire. We talked so easliy and I felt completely myself, which had never happened before with a guy. We were a lot more alike than I had imagined and at the same time complete opposites. 

Before I knew it everyone was getting ready for bed and we were still talking. All the college kids decided to sleep outside on a huge rock (seriously, huge, it fit about ten of us on there) while the adults decided that sleeping in their tents was a better idea. Once I slid in my sleeping bag my sister and friend started teasing me for talking so long. They kept saying that he liked me. All I could think was shut up! He's only three sleeping bags down and I'm sure he can hear you. I was slightly embarrassed.

{right before we hiked in, completely unaware that this was the beginning of the end for me} 

The next day I noticed that everytime I turned around he was there and by the end of the trip he had asked me to do three different things with him. (not dates! I was not going to let myself think he liked me. We were just hanging out like friends do.)

I was unpacking from the trip when my phone rang. It was my friend. She was calling to let me know Caleb had just called and asked for my number. He might be calling sometime. While we were still talking my call waiting beeped. I didn't recognize the number... it must be him! I hung up with my friend and she told me to call as soon as we were done talking. (can't you just hear us giggling like junior highers??) But I was still convinced he didn't like me. Lots of guys get girls numbers and call the next minute and ask them to Dogers games. Right?

So,  within a week we had hung out a number of times and my friends were convinced he liked me and we'd be dating in no time.

Well, not quite.

Out of sight out of mind I guess. I went home for a month and then on a missions trip to Scotland.  Nothing was said between us, but I thought he'd keep in touch. Well, as fast as it started it ended. I didn't hear from him once. I thought it was kind of rude. Even if he didn't like me he had asked me out mulitple times and called a LOT. He could at least treat me like a friend. I was glad I had guarded myself and wasn't going to think about him again....

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Remember awhile back when I decided to try my hand at gardening? Let's just say it's a good thing I started out small. All three plants died. I would like to defend myself and say that while I was out of town Caleb forgot to water them, but truth be told they weren't looking to good before I left. 

I'm not sure why, but I decided to try again. I have it in my mind that I better learn how to do this so that if we ever do move out to the coutry and I could actually have a real garden and I wouldn't kill it all. 

I tried herbs this time. Someone told me I might have a better shot with them. 

So here we go again...

I even planted some flowers to put in front. 

And in two days they looked like this...

I wish I could say they look this good now, but I think one of our neighbors keeps watering them for me...and they've drowned.

She kept me company while I planted and I couldn't help but show you all how cute she is.

By some miracle my tree has survived. I really don't know how. By all counts it should be dead, but it's alive and even has blosoms.

See, I might actually have a tangelo this year.

Sunday, March 20, 2011


We finally did it. After almost two years and LOTS of hard work we paid off the rest of Caleb's school loans! Oh, the weight that's been lifted. It feels amazing. 
We decided a little celebrating was in order. 

(be prepared...some seriously bad pictures ahead. I didn't have my settings right on my camers, but the boys weren't going to let me take anymore once I realized it.)

Elijah's happy face.

He has no idea why we were celebrating. He just knew he got to stay up late, eat frozen yogurt, and a watch movie with dada and mama.

Toy Story 3 and Menchies...I guess this is how you celebrate big occasions when you have kids.

 So proud of how hard he worked to get himself through seminary.

Friday, March 18, 2011


Living in SoCal where flowers bloom year round Spring doesn't feel quite the same as it did growing up in Montana. 

The snow finally melting after months and months of white, hearing birds chirpping again, the days getting longer, pulling out your summer clothes hoping there won't be another snow. 

But this year, I've enjoyed Spring more than I have in a long time. Part of that might have to do with living in Bakersfield for the last two months where it actually was cold and dreary. It makes you really appreciate the sun. 

And we did.

Okay, I need someone to explain my son's desire to eat dirt? Really? Doesn't it taste horrible?

Happy Spring and Happy weekend.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


A very spur of the moment sister getaway. It was filled with lots of eating, relaxing, laughing and not much else. 

(Like the wierd line going through the pic? Guess that's what happens when you ask some random girl to take the picture.)

San Luis I love you. Can you please find a job for Caleb? I'll start packing.

Sisters, this needs to be repeated asap. 

Bekah you were SERIOUSLY missed. 

Running shoes are you ready to be used? A LOT?...I need to lose the 10 pounds I gained. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Not taking anything for granted...

{warning...long, pictureless post, that might bore you to death, sorry, but at least I warned you.}

God reminded me of something the other day. Something I should have never forgotten and praying I don't again.  

God healed me of a number of major heal issues three years ago.

I suffered from migraines since I was nine. They were bad, like real bad. At first I only had about three a year and they lasted about three days. I always knew when one was going to come cause I would start seeing black dots and lose vision in one eye. The pain was so bad it would make me throw up...I know gross, but just keeping it real. They would also make me delusional, (yes, i really did see things floating out of my stomach and I did squirt enormous amounts of water up my nose because I believed a spider was up there causing the pain.) And then parts of my body would go numb and of course I couldn't handle any light or noise. As I got older they progressively got worse until I was getting one or two a month. 

It was debilitating and I absolutely hated them. When I knew one was coming I would just cry, which, incidentally, made them come on faster. 

After seeing two neurologists and mulitple MRI's I was put on a strong daily medication (with side affects including, but not limited to..loss of memory, loss of vision, weight loss, nausea, oh and a startling number of deaths. starting to wonder which is worse:) and then there was another medication for when I got a migraine.

During this time I also started having heart problems. The first doctor I saw about it told  "You're was going to die no matter what I do so there is no point in doing anything, but if you want me to run more tests I can." Okay, not the most encouraging. My dad thought it'd be a good idea if we found a new doctor. Three doctors later I was diagnosed with two different heart condition and was told I would eventually have surgery.

But wait, I'm not done. While running the tests to diagnose my heart they found a tumor on one of my ovaries. (I know you're wondering "how the heck did they find a tumor on her ovaries when they were trying to diagnose her heart?"this post is already too long to try and answer that! another time, maybe?) It had to be operated on. I had to have two surgeries. The first one was to remove the tumor and the second was done by another doctor cleaning up mistakes the first one made.

Those were some HARD times. I watched everyone around me living "normal" lives and I was jealous of them. I didn't want to be missing class to go to another doctors appointment. I wanted to read a book without it giving me a headache or go on a run and not pass out cause my heart couldn't handle it. I was tired of not know what was wrong with me. I was tired of feeling so limited and I was tired of the way people treated me.

 But, God was teaching me invaluable lessons. I learned to depend on him every second of everyday. I learn tons about prayer and praying with faith. He comforted me and held me when no one else did. I experienced his faithfulness. He held me when I didn't think I could handle anymore. He taught me to depend every second on him. For every person that didn't understand what I was dealing with and said something hurtful he gave me someone to encourage me. He taught me that I need to glorify him with my life no matter how I feel. 

His plan is much bigger than my health.

I begged God to heal me. 

 But, He told me to wait.

After a couple months of being married. We heard about a great homeopathic doctor and thought we'd give it a try. It can't get worse, right? 

I know this is getting long, but I have to pause and and tell you about Caleb. At first he didn't know how to help me and it scared him. He obviously knew about my health while we were dating, but I could hide it from him a lot better than when we were actually living together. It was a touch adjustment, but it quickly became our normal. He learned how to become my biggest help. He held me tight when I hurt, pulled back my hair when I threw up. He was my protector. He watched over me so close and made sure I didn't push myself too hard. He did ANYTHING to make me feel better. He also challenged me spiritually. He continually reminded me to "do all things without grumbling or complaining" and was my prayer warrior. It grew the depth of our marriage and I'm incredibly thankful. Just a couple more reasons why I love Caleb so much!

Okay, wrapping up. Seriously. 

After about two months of intense homopathic treatments I started feeling much better. I quit feeling my heart out of rythm. I started to have LOTS more energy. I went off all my meds, which allowed me to miraculously get preggo...twice! And on January 1, 2008 I had my last migraine. God graciously healed me. I can't help, but cry when I think of it. 

I was reminded of this the other day when I got the first migraine since then. It felt so long since I'd had one and I had too quickly forgotten the pain that God healed me from. I forgot the dependance I had on him. And I was given a glimpse of what life would have been like if he had not healed me. 

He didn't have to heal me and yet in his graciousness he choose to. I'm so thankful.

Monday, March 14, 2011

a day with dada...

Caleb a.k.a. the best husband ever, came home a day early cause this mama was not feeling too hot. But by the end of the weekend I was doing good enough to get out of the house and we enjoyed a low key family day. 

It started with Elijah and Caleb getting V and I flowers. (seriously cannot express how much!)

Off to the park...

And home to make some yummy dinner...
Elijah loves to help, but he might have eaten all the tomatoes before they got into the salad bowl.

Everytime we walk by the grill now, Elijah says...meat. And when Caleb is out of town he looks for him at the grill. 

Thankful for every minute with have with dada.

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