Monday, February 7, 2011

February 6th

Two days ago was my mom's birthday. It came and past quietly. 

It's been years but, I still miss her so much. 

I wish I knew her favorite color or what made her laugh. I wish I had spent the day celebrating with her and doing whatever moms and daughters do together. I wish she knew Caleb, the answer to many of her prayers for me. I wish she could kiss my kids and tell them stories. I wish I saw her in them. I wish I could call her up for a recipe or ask her what to do when Caleb and I get in a fight. I wish she knew the person I turned into. I guess I just wish I knew her.

I miss her hugs. I miss hearing her voice. I miss knowing what it's like to have a mom. I miss all the things she would have taught me. 

There's a lot I don't remember and I was too young too understand. 

But I do remember, how it felt to hold her hand. And how she used to read to us all the time. I remember that she never cried in front of me and how hard she worked for our family. I remember what a good cook she was and can still smell her fresh bread coming out of the oven. I remember never wanting to leave her side. (literally!)  I remember that when I would run to her with all my fears she would hold me tight and read scripture to me. 

Even though our time together was short I'm thankful for it. I'm thankful that she gave me something eternal. She taught me that God is sovereign over everything and that he is our source of comfort and strength. I learned so much through losing her that I wouldn't have otherwise and God was there every moment carrying me. I know his promises are true and I will see her again someday.

I saw these Irises in the yard and picked them for her. 
Love you mom...and Happy Birthday!


Band of Brothers said...

Jessica! My heart goes out to you! What a beautiful tribute to your mother. My guess is that she does know how beautiful her daughter came out to be. I know you would make her SO proud.

Thanks for sharing. Made me want to cry.

Anonymous said...

Made me teary, Jess. Love seeing you heart for your mom. Thanks for sharing with us.

Chris and Becky Buczinski said...

nothing like a little morning cry. thanks jessica :) this is especially touching now that i'm a mom. i think a lot about what would happen to noah if i wasn't here and this is a great reminder that his life and his growth are dependent on God, not on me at all! i just get to enjoy him for as long as the Lord has me here.

katy said...

ahhhhh jessica. we share a day! my sweet grandma died on feb 6 as well. what a sweet tribute to her. i did not know this about you! reason #76454656 you should move here.

Anonymous said...

I remember your mom well...and I remember how you really would never leave her side--you'd be down the street at my house sobbing to call your mom to come get you--so sweet! The main thing that you can always remember about her is how much she loved you and how much you loved her.


Jami said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. It is a good reminder to be thankful for those we still have with us. God bless!

danielle @ take heart said...

this is so sweet.i have tears in my eyes.

Sarah Z. said...

I'm crying, Jessie. How precious this post was. What insight it gave us into your heart, thank you my darling sister. I love you so much.

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