Sunday, April 25, 2010

Home again



I stepped outside yesterday for the first time in twenty four days. It felt good to see the green hills and the bright purple flowers on the drive home. The sun was shining and there was a slight breeze that I loved feeling. I have a deeper appreciate for the outdoors than ever before. I never want to go through that again, but I can't think of a better reason. It gave me Vanessa. She is finally here and doing well!

On Tuesday night the specialist came to see us. Like you all know when I was admitted we were told she would come in the next two to four weeks. You think at three weeks when the specialist came we'd be prepared for him to say it was time, but we were far from it. Caleb came that night after work and didn't even bring clothes to stay the night. I imagined he was going to tell me she was doing great and I needed to stay for another week. Instead after a couple minutes of doing the ultrasound he looked at us and said it was time. He also gave us the wonderful news that she was breached and I would be doing a c-setion. After all this time it still hadn't hit me. I thought I would be delivering naturally on May 24th (her due date) to a healthy full term baby. It just didn't seem real that this was happening.

The next couple days are a blur. The night preparing for the c-setion went well. They gave me a sleeping pill so I'd get some rest before morning. God settled my nerves and I was ready to go. The next morning, we were told we were going in at 7:30, but when do things ever go as planned in the hospital. It ended up being 12:30 before we went in. Surprisingly, the waiting wasn't bad. Caleb's parents came and stayed with us and we had time to relax, laugh, pray, and read scripture.

It was finally time. I have heard so many stories about c-sections and not very many of them good. As much and I didn't want to admit it I was scared. But, I had prayed and prayed and knew that God would not give me more than I could handle. God was so good. My experience was incredible. Dr. Frields did such a good job, I got to pick the nurse I wanted with me, and my anesthesiologist is the head of the department at the hospital. It couldn't have gone better. Recovery is a different story. It's going pretty good, but it's not easy. It seems to go in waves, good days (or hours) and bad. But overall it's getting better and better. The best part of it all was when they pulled her out and I heard her little cry for the first time.

The NICU nurses took her immediately and checked her. Caleb got to cut the cord and I saw her for a second before the took her out. It wasn't until the next day I got to see her, but Caleb took lots of pictures and videos for me. She is doing so well. I can't believe how tiny she is. Her little arms are the size of my thumb and her head fits in the palm of my hand. They're teaching us how to take care of her and there is so much to learn. We have a long road ahead of us, but it seems like she'll come out heathy and strong.

Coming home without her was one of the hardest things. I feel like I've abandoned my baby in her time of need. God is teaching me to hold her (and all things in the world) with open hands. She belongs to Him and no one can take better care of her. I'm learning to control my thoughts and take all my worries and lay them before the cross. God has shown Caleb and I He keeps all His promises and is faithful to those who love Him. As hard as this trial has been on us, God brought it into our lives for a reason and I wouldn't trade it. We're clinging so close to Him and durning the good times, as much as I wish it wasn't true, I don't cling to Him as tightly. Trials really are a blessing. I feel like there is so much more to write, but since I've already written a novel and I'll you really want is to see pictures here they are...








4 comments:

Stephen and Tiffany Seston said...

Oh my word! Praise the Lord for your health and your precious baby girl! She is darling...and so tiny! You look amazing and I'm so thankful the Lord has BLESSED you abundantly. You are amazing for doing all of this!!! Bless you girl!

Phil and Bri said...

Jess, this is sooo great! What a miracle she is!! And what a journey you have been on. God is so good! Can't wait for you to be able to take her home!! Congrats!

lorieloo said...

Praise the Lord for your little Vanessa! And praying for your speedy recovery. Leaving a little one in the hospital is horrible, and I'm so sorry that you have to do that. But take this time to recover and heal and get good sleep! I hated leaving Ben in the NICU, but having that week at home to recover was HUGE for me in how quick I recovered from my c-section.

hugs to you friend and blessings on your family!

Emma Leigh Harasick said...

Nessa looks so much like Elijah! She's absolutely breathtaking, Jessica. God is so good :-)

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