Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Kangaroo Care

We are learning so much about how to care for our little Nessa.
The nurses spend a lot of time showing what to do. One thing
they've said is good for her is holding her skin to skin. They
call it Kangaroo care. We love feeling her little body against
She likes to cuddle up really tight and bury her face in our chest.
Then she'll wrap her
long arm
around me and spread out her fingers. I love feeling her tickle me.

Caleb is so in love with her. Last night I realized I'm not the only girl in his life anymore. He stayed at the hospital for hours holding her. When he finally decided to put her back she woke up and he told me he couldn't leave her once she was awake. The nurses told me you rarely see a dad so involved in caring for their babies. It's incredible to watch him love her.
She is doing really well. She's gained another ounce and is bottle feeding some of her meals. They also told us they'll probably take her IV out in the next couple days. We're so thankful for these improvements and pray she continues to do well.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Home again

I stepped outside yesterday for the first time in twenty four days. It felt good to see the green hills and the bright purple flowers on the drive home. The sun was shining and there was a slight breeze that I loved feeling. I have a deeper appreciate for the outdoors than ever before. I never want to go through that again, but I can't think of a better reason. It gave me Vanessa. She is finally here and doing well!

On Tuesday night the specialist came to see us. Like you all know when I was admitted we were told she would come in the next two to four weeks. You think at three weeks when the specialist came we'd be prepared for him to say it was time, but we were far from it. Caleb came that night after work and didn't even bring clothes to stay the night. I imagined he was going to tell me she was doing great and I needed to stay for another week. Instead after a couple minutes of doing the ultrasound he looked at us and said it was time. He also gave us the wonderful news that she was breached and I would be doing a c-setion. After all this time it still hadn't hit me. I thought I would be delivering naturally on May 24th (her due date) to a healthy full term baby. It just didn't seem real that this was happening.

The next couple days are a blur. The night preparing for the c-setion went well. They gave me a sleeping pill so I'd get some rest before morning. God settled my nerves and I was ready to go. The next morning, we were told we were going in at 7:30, but when do things ever go as planned in the hospital. It ended up being 12:30 before we went in. Surprisingly, the waiting wasn't bad. Caleb's parents came and stayed with us and we had time to relax, laugh, pray, and read scripture.

It was finally time. I have heard so many stories about c-sections and not very many of them good. As much and I didn't want to admit it I was scared. But, I had prayed and prayed and knew that God would not give me more than I could handle. God was so good. My experience was incredible. Dr. Frields did such a good job, I got to pick the nurse I wanted with me, and my anesthesiologist is the head of the department at the hospital. It couldn't have gone better. Recovery is a different story. It's going pretty good, but it's not easy. It seems to go in waves, good days (or hours) and bad. But overall it's getting better and better. The best part of it all was when they pulled her out and I heard her little cry for the first time.

The NICU nurses took her immediately and checked her. Caleb got to cut the cord and I saw her for a second before the took her out. It wasn't until the next day I got to see her, but Caleb took lots of pictures and videos for me. She is doing so well. I can't believe how tiny she is. Her little arms are the size of my thumb and her head fits in the palm of my hand. They're teaching us how to take care of her and there is so much to learn. We have a long road ahead of us, but it seems like she'll come out heathy and strong.

Coming home without her was one of the hardest things. I feel like I've abandoned my baby in her time of need. God is teaching me to hold her (and all things in the world) with open hands. She belongs to Him and no one can take better care of her. I'm learning to control my thoughts and take all my worries and lay them before the cross. God has shown Caleb and I He keeps all His promises and is faithful to those who love Him. As hard as this trial has been on us, God brought it into our lives for a reason and I wouldn't trade it. We're clinging so close to Him and durning the good times, as much as I wish it wasn't true, I don't cling to Him as tightly. Trials really are a blessing. I feel like there is so much more to write, but since I've already written a novel and I'll you really want is to see pictures here they are...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Life in the Hospital

Wow, I can't believe that I've been here for 17 days already. The days are long, but when I think about being here for over two weeks it's seems to go by a little faster. We've appreciated all the support we've received so far. The phone calls, texts, emails, and comments are more of an encouragement than you know.

I'm not allowed to sit up for very long, so this is going to be a quick post, but I wanted to update you a little. It will also be a miracle if this does posts cause our internet is so slow. My family in Kenya has internet that works faster than this connection! Well, as you all know I was admitted to the hospital on April fools, not a very funny joke. We came in because the doctor said that Vanessa had slowed so much in growth and my amniotic fluid was really low. The combination of these two things put her at a lot of risk and the specialist told us things could go badly very fast. After I was admitted not much happened until the next week when the specialist came to do another ultrasound. We got such good news! She started growing again and my amniotic fluid was way up. Both the specialist and Dr. Frields we're very encouraged by what they saw and said she looked good. Unfortunately, not good enough to go home. They still say I'll be here until I deliver and it's looking like that could be some time in the next week or so.
We have another ultrasound Tuesday night and we'll more than likely make some decisions at that point. Because of the condition Vanessa has the doctor explained to me there is no way she can make it full term. There will be a point in the next couple weeks where she quits growing again and it will be too dangerous for her to stay inside me. We're praying for wisdom so the doctors know when it's time to induce, not too early, not too late.

We're very hopeful that once she's out and in the NICU she'll continue to grow and we'll take home a healthy baby girl. Apparently, there are a lot of health concerns with a baby with this condition and of course a premie, but Dr. Frields thinks she looks really good. He doesn't believe we'll be dealing with any complication besides a small baby once she comes. Praise the Lord!

My time here has been difficult, but I've learned so much and God has been so good to me. I don't have time to go into all I've learned or the ways I've already seen God working, but it's been incredible. I'll have to write about that once I'm out and able to sit up again.

Here are some of the praises we have so far.... Elijah is well taken care of. Caleb and I have families that have been so supportive and encouraging there aren't words. I miss Elijah terribly and it's been one of the hardest things for me, but it's so comforting to know that he is so well loved.
Vanessa grew and Dr. Frields is continually encouraged by what he sees on the monitors.
We are under great care. We love our doctor and the nurses. I've gotten to know the staff pretty well being here so long. They come in and visit with me and have blessed me so much.
They took my IV out. I know that probably seems like a little thing, but it's huge for me. It was really hurting my arm and making it hard for me to sleep. I'm thankful they were able to take it out. I had bad sores on my stomach from the monitors and the nurses didn't think they would go away because they had to keep the monitors on me, but God miraculously healed them!! They were painful and I'm so glad their gone.

Please continue to pray for us though. Pray for wisdom for the doctors. Pray Vanessa would continue to grow and be healthy. Pray that God would do a miracle and she wouldn't have to go to the NICU. Pray I can delivery naturally. Pray that I would continue to make good use of my time here in the hospital. And pray that I would be a good witness to the nurses.

Okay, I've spent way too much time on this. I'll update again when I can.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

This is the day the Lord has made...

In God's infinite wisdom he allowed me to be admitted to the hospital today. We went to the Specialist and recommended I pack my bags and get to the hospital. I know that they said this was a possibility, but I really was not expecting it. In fact I told Caleb going in I did not think they would admit me. It was a hard day hearing again that our sweet girl isn't doing as well as they'd like, but as I write this tonight I can honestly say we're doing well. (maybe that's cause I've cried so much I don't have anymore to cry) God comforted me continually today and I never felt alone, even though I had to lay in the hospital for awhile without anyone here. I love resting in the fact that God knew this was going to happen and for reasons unknown to us, this is the best plan.

It looks like I'll be here until she's born and they're predicting that will be between two and four weeks. But really we're just taking it one day at a time. Please pray for Vanessa to grow. Each little bit helps tremendously. I'm praying for a five pound baby! Please also pray for Elijah. One of the hardest things for me, besides Vanessa's health, is missing Elijah. He's not allowed in the room with me. I've been given permission to go to the lobby for very short periods of time to see him, but with needing so much help with him I don't know how often someone can bring him here to see me for such a short time. You could pray that they lift the restrictions and he could hang out in the room with me.
I don't know how much internet access I'll have, plus I have to lay on my side most of the day, but feel free to call, text, or visit...I have all the time in the world. I'll check my emails when I can, but don't know if I'll be able to write back. 661-373-8841.

Keep on Praying...and I'd love any verses or sermon suggestions. Caleb is putting stuff on my ipod to listen to.

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