Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Lessons From Bed.


How many times do we say or think, "I wish I had more time." or, "I'm so tired, I just want to sleep in." I've thought these things so many times in my life I can't even try counting them. I've especially wanted more rest since Elijah was born. What a joy he is to me, but I did not know that having a baby meant literally no sleep.

Well, I have it. I have all the time in the world and could sleep all day if I wanted. So, what do I want to do with all this time on my hands? GET OUT OF BED! I just want to go back to no sleep and lots of work where I don't get it all done in a day. I think God is trying to teach me that lesson that Paul learned, something about being content in all situations. Maybe if I'd hurry up and learn it God would take me out of this trial.

With the help of friends and family, I've been able to stay off my feet more. They've taken Elijah at times and people have brought meals this whole week! We are so thankful. But, last night things changed. I started having lots of contractions. Something we were really trying to avoid! I called the nurse and she told me to lay down drink lots of water and see if they stopped. That's what I did. And they did stop...for a little while. When they started back up again I called the nurse again and she said time to go to the hospital. To make a long story short, my sister took Elijah for the night, we spent four hours in the hospital, and found out I was having way more contractions then I thought I was. Praise the Lord, I wasn't going in to labor, but now I have strict instructions to stay completely in bed until they stop...which so far hasn't happened.

To be totally honest with all of you, it's really hard to stay in bed. I struggle with having to ask for help and watching my house get dirtier and dirtier. I get lonely laying here all day. I hate not being able to take care of my family. I'm no longer allowed to hold Elijah and it makes me cry when he wants me and I can't help him. I have too much time to think now, my mind runs wild with all the "what if" scenarios. What if she comes early and we're in the NICU for months? What if I'm on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy? Will she have lots of complications after she's born? How will we do it all? It's overwhelming, but then I catch myself...

I have something greater than all this. I know the Creator of the Universe and He loves me and my family. I'm taking a look at all the struggles this trial is bringing out in me and see that these are weaknesses that God is wanting to sanctify me in. I need to be humble and accept help graciously. I need to take my thoughts captive. I need to cast my cares on the Lord and trust His timing. I need to quit thinking that the only way I glorify the Lord is by accomplishing my to do list and glorify Him in my attitude. This is only the beginning of the things I'm seeing that need to change in my life and it looks like I have some time to work on them. We're going to take things one day at a time, (sometimes one hour at a time) and I'm going to let the Lord work on my heart. I've also decided that this is the perfect opportunity to use my time wisely. There are letters to be written, books to be read, and people to pray for. I'm going to keep myself busy.

Last night we got to hear Vanessa's heart beating. At first they said it was faint and she wasn't moving much, but by the end of the night her heart beat got stronger!! What a praise. I'm anxiously awaiting Monday's doctor's appointment to see if she's grown. I'll keep you updated as we know things. We still covet your prayers. And if your in the neighborhood feel free to stop by, I'll be here.


3 comments:

Melissa said...

jess i am praying for you! hang in there :)

kenzie.irby said...

hey! we're praying for you ... clover and i will try to come visit soon.

Stephen and Tiffany Seston said...

We are so praying for you girlie! Please let me know if I can do anything for you! If you need anything I will help! Don't hesitate to ask!

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