Sunday, November 22, 2009

Asking for Trials

A couple of weeks ago I was doing my devotions and had this crazy thought. "Life has been pretty darn good." I'm extremely thankful that life has been so pleasant lately and have thanked God over and over for all His blessings. But I started thinking it seems like a trial might be coming. I actually started thinking back to past trials and remembered how amazing it is to see God in those times. Oh boy, I asked for it.

Last Monday I went to the doctor because I've had some cramping and bleeding with this pregnancy. It really didn't alarm me that much. I knew it wasn't a good sign, but really thought everything would be fine. As He started doing the ultra sound he looked at the screen saying everything looked good, then after he checked the baby he looked at the side of my uterus and saw what he called a rather large mass. Then he said something really encouraging like, "that's not supposed to be there." He looked at every angle he could, but couldn't determine what it was. He said it's not effecting the baby which we are so thankful for! But told me I needed to stay off my feet as much as possible. What exactly does that mean when you have an active eleven month old? Basically, I'm to do nothing. He's putting me on bed rest.

For the first three days, I tried to stay off my feet, but floors needed to be cleaned, bathrooms we're getting gross and meals needed to be made. I have two growing boys to take care of. Then I talked with the nurse and she said that every time I stand up I'm making the situation much worse and I need to lay down. Caleb took this literally, and I've been in bed since. Our sweet friends helped take care of Elijah for the rest of the week and then Caleb's parents took him to Bakersfield for the weekend. Depending on what the doctor says tomorrow I might get to see him on Tuesday.

At first, I really wasn't worried, it wasn't hard, I didn't really even know what to think about it. The unknown is sometimes the hardest. There's the possibility it's nothing serious and then again it might be something. As the week went on it got harder and harder for me. I hated sitting back and watching others do my responsibilities. Caleb worked a long hard day, came home took care of dinner, picked up the house, played with Elijah, got him ready for bed, (he did let me rock him and lay him in the crib) and then finished up his paper work. I just wanted to help him out, do what every wife is supposed to, be a helpmate. It was torture. Then saying good-bye to Elijah, so hard. I love being with him. I really do. I HATE that I might not seeing him for four whole days.

Then I remembered. This is my trial. I'll be honest, now that it was here I didn't really want it. God was stretching me in a lot of my weakest area's. The definition of a trial I guess, but I was failing. I wasn't turning to God, I wasn't finding comfort in scripture, I wasn't turning away from my sin. I wanted to control the situation and rely on my own strength. So, our faithful Father continued to break me until I saw it. I needed to glorify Him with my attitude, whether in bed, or doing a list of things, that makes me feel accomplished. I needed to rely on His strength and not my own and i needed to humble myself and ask for help and then be okay with it when it came.

I'm not sure how long the bed rest is going to last. I am praying not for the whole pregnancy, but I know how I need to respond. I'm going to take this opportunity to trust God and see His greatness and I can't wait to see what He's going to do. I'm actually really excited now to have some uninterrupted time reading the word and praying. Keep us in your prayers and I'll let you know what the doctor says.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

wow. i'll definitely be praying for you. please keep me posted.

Kirra Sue said...

oh jess! earlier i had just skimmed the blog and saw the new layout but i hadn't read the post- oh my! i am so praying for you!!!! i can't imagine. please keep us all updated. i am praying this is a sweet time of growing with the Lord.

Phil and Bri said...

Praying dear! Keep us posted. You are so sweet, loved your words of being your husband's helpmate.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...