Monday, November 30, 2009

An update

We are so thankful! This morning at our doctors appointment Dr. Frields said everything looked great. The mass that was there before has completely disappeared!! What an answer to prayer. It is a huge relief for Caleb and I. It was a tough two weeks of doing nothing. And the house is showing it. At times my mind ran wild with all the things that could go wrong and I had to constantly tell myself to think on truth. What a weight lifted from our shoulders. Thank you so much for praying.

Caleb is thrilled that we won't be eating anymore frozen dinners and I can start changing the diapers again. And I can't wait to get to it. Unless I start bleeding again I don't have to go back in until January after I get back from Christmas with my family.
I'd love to write more, but now that I can do things....I better get to them. Thanks again.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Much to be Thankful for

I, like most people, absolutely love the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving and the anticipation of Christmas. i love fall, winter, and all the smells. I love family time, the yummy food, and the music. This year is different than any other year with me being on bed rest. I've had lots of down time to think of how blessed I am. It was hard not being able to help cook the Thanksgiving feast, or take pictures of everything, or play with Elijah. But I realized in a new way what an incredible family I married into. If you haven't meet Caleb's family you are seriously missing out! Anyone who meets them instantly falls in love and can't wait to see them again. I'm so lucky that I get to see them all the time and call them family.

They took such good care of Elijah I think he likes them better than me now. In fact, last night he woke up not knowing where he was and cried for his Yiayia, They spoiled me, making sure I stayed laying down, bringing me food, drinks, and hanging out with me so I wouldn't be bored. I felt guilty by how well they took care of me. Thank you guys so much!

I started making a list of what I'm thankful for this season. It's just a start, but I thought I would share.

My Savior, who is completely in control of my life and that nothing surprises Him.
Delicious food.
Christmas music.
That I'm almost done all my Christmas shopping.
Cars and airplanes.
The best husband I could ask for. I could go on forever on just how thankful I am for him!
A doctor I Love.
Good books.
Christmas lights.
Peppermint soap.
Elijah's smile.
Our new camera, (our friends gave us their amazing camera and lenses! Once I'm out of bed I'll take some pictures and put them up.)
My doctors appointment tomorrow! Hoping for good news.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Asking for Trials

A couple of weeks ago I was doing my devotions and had this crazy thought. "Life has been pretty darn good." I'm extremely thankful that life has been so pleasant lately and have thanked God over and over for all His blessings. But I started thinking it seems like a trial might be coming. I actually started thinking back to past trials and remembered how amazing it is to see God in those times. Oh boy, I asked for it.

Last Monday I went to the doctor because I've had some cramping and bleeding with this pregnancy. It really didn't alarm me that much. I knew it wasn't a good sign, but really thought everything would be fine. As He started doing the ultra sound he looked at the screen saying everything looked good, then after he checked the baby he looked at the side of my uterus and saw what he called a rather large mass. Then he said something really encouraging like, "that's not supposed to be there." He looked at every angle he could, but couldn't determine what it was. He said it's not effecting the baby which we are so thankful for! But told me I needed to stay off my feet as much as possible. What exactly does that mean when you have an active eleven month old? Basically, I'm to do nothing. He's putting me on bed rest.

For the first three days, I tried to stay off my feet, but floors needed to be cleaned, bathrooms we're getting gross and meals needed to be made. I have two growing boys to take care of. Then I talked with the nurse and she said that every time I stand up I'm making the situation much worse and I need to lay down. Caleb took this literally, and I've been in bed since. Our sweet friends helped take care of Elijah for the rest of the week and then Caleb's parents took him to Bakersfield for the weekend. Depending on what the doctor says tomorrow I might get to see him on Tuesday.

At first, I really wasn't worried, it wasn't hard, I didn't really even know what to think about it. The unknown is sometimes the hardest. There's the possibility it's nothing serious and then again it might be something. As the week went on it got harder and harder for me. I hated sitting back and watching others do my responsibilities. Caleb worked a long hard day, came home took care of dinner, picked up the house, played with Elijah, got him ready for bed, (he did let me rock him and lay him in the crib) and then finished up his paper work. I just wanted to help him out, do what every wife is supposed to, be a helpmate. It was torture. Then saying good-bye to Elijah, so hard. I love being with him. I really do. I HATE that I might not seeing him for four whole days.

Then I remembered. This is my trial. I'll be honest, now that it was here I didn't really want it. God was stretching me in a lot of my weakest area's. The definition of a trial I guess, but I was failing. I wasn't turning to God, I wasn't finding comfort in scripture, I wasn't turning away from my sin. I wanted to control the situation and rely on my own strength. So, our faithful Father continued to break me until I saw it. I needed to glorify Him with my attitude, whether in bed, or doing a list of things, that makes me feel accomplished. I needed to rely on His strength and not my own and i needed to humble myself and ask for help and then be okay with it when it came.

I'm not sure how long the bed rest is going to last. I am praying not for the whole pregnancy, but I know how I need to respond. I'm going to take this opportunity to trust God and see His greatness and I can't wait to see what He's going to do. I'm actually really excited now to have some uninterrupted time reading the word and praying. Keep us in your prayers and I'll let you know what the doctor says.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Waiting for Heaven

The Sammons Family,(Hope due Jan. 2010)
Saying good-bye at the airport.

I want to live my life continually realizing that this is not my home. I have an eternal home waiting for me and that truth should direct my every step. I have to admit sometimes I get distracted by the trivial things of this world, but God is always faithful to remind me where my real home is. This last remind I received was a hard one. Good-bye's are always hard for me, but this one was especially hard. It was much harder than I actually imagined it would be. And I'm so thankful that there are no good-bye's in Heaven!

Caleb's sisters family followed God's leading and moved half way around the world to Nakuru, Kenya. They made a three year commitment with Christian Veterinarian Mission. They will be teaching Kenyans how to better care for their animals (which is how they survive there) and will be working in an orphanage. They have two little girls 3 1/2 and almost 2 with one on the way. They're extremely special to Caleb and I and although three years isn't forever, right now it seems like it. I'm so thankful that they were willing to leave all that is familiar and safe to them and go where God calls. And I have an incredible peace that knowing that they are being faithful, but it's still hard.

I didn't think it would really be that hard. I kept telling myself that this was God's will, we should be excited for them, and three years will go by so fast. I didn't want to deal with being sad and missing them. It was just easier not to. The last week they were in the states Caleb's whole family got away to the mountains for a couple of days. We wanted one last time with them. At this point I was still feeling pretty strong. But something about getting away and seeing all that we would miss in them for the next three years really got to me. I spent time with the girls realizing how much they would change. I spent time with Bekah (Caleb's sister) and saw a great friendship that I would miss terribly. It happened in a really short time, but before I realized it I was heart-broken.

I don't want to be overly dramatic. I understand that this isn't one of life's great tragedy's, but it's not fun saying good-bye. Caleb's family is so special and have loved me like I was one of them from the start. Each member plays a vital role and they've all taught me so much. When even one is missing there is a HUGE whole, let alone five. We're blessed to have the technology to write emails, talk on skype and fly to visit them, but it's not the same as having them just a couple hours away.

When I was driving back home from our week away I was alone in my car and I started crying so hard I thought I might have to pull over. I started thinking this is why I didn't want to care. It's easier not to feel this sad. But almost as soon as I thought that I was reminded that it's so much better to have relationships that hurt when you say good-bye than ones that don't. It helps keep me focused on heaven and excited that there will be no sadness and no good-bye's. Please keep them in your prayers. This is a tough time for them as they are trying to adjust to so many new things.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Trick or Treat

The cutest chicken ever!
We love him so much...
His playmate, Mercy, He loves her.

Elijah had his first trick or treating experience last night. Caleb says it was really more for me than him, which is probably true since he had no idea what was going on and I didn't let him have any candy (the whole point of trick or treating) but it was fun. He looked soooo cute! First we went to his friend Jack's birthday party. We are so blessed to live in an apartment complex with lots of kids. Elijah really enjoys playing with them.
Then we took a nap so we'd be ready for the big night. I dressed Elijah up again and and we walked downstairs to the Smiths to trick or treat. Elijah loved picking up the candy and the sound of the wrappers. Unfortunately, Caleb was gone. He went to his brothers soccer game. (which they won!!!) But we'll have lots more dressing up fun in the years to come.
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